Hoosier...I contemplated before writing to you again, because I am not 100% sure you will take what I am about to say in the spirt it is intended...and what I am about to say is a very painful issue for me (although I have mostly healed from it now).
To preface, what I'm about to share is intended for you to begin to see that things could be so much worse in your situation, that maybe you can begin to really appreciate that it IS NOT worse. But I am afraid that maybe this isn't the right time for you to realize that conclusion, and I fear you will see this as some kind of scolding or something....please do NOT take it that way. I just want you to really begin to accept your situation and be ok with it....
OK here goes...this is very hard for me....
My step-child is as close to me as my bio-child. I raised my step-child from age 3 to adult (and still continue to raise her, even though her father and I are now divorced). Her bio-mom and her father (my ex-h) got divorced before I ever met him and I had nothing to do with their divorce.
Her bio-mom hated me, none-the-less, even though I was actually the only parent in the child's life who actually understood what being a child of divorce really meant (her bio parents had parents who never divorced...whereas, my parents were married and divorced to each other TWICE, and then they also married and divorced my two step-parents). I protected her and helped her through the rough patches between her parents. I insisted that they not fight in front of her, and when they did it anyway, I took her in the other room to get her out of the way of their crap.
Still....no matter how well I protected her from her own parents, I could not protect her from what happened in her bio-mother's house. No matter how her father and I tried to talk to lawyers etc. about some of the things going on at the bio-mom's house, none of it mattered. There was "nothing we could do" we were told over and over. Her environment there was abusive, but mostly emotionally abusive, and not physically, so there was nothing we could do.
We lived with the pain of knowing every single day, that something horrible could happen to our child (at the hands of her bio-mom) and there would be nothing we could do about it.
This pain was a constant issue for me, feeling helpless, etc.
Then the unthinkable happened. One of my step-child's boyfriends molested her.
Needless to say, this is the very worst thing that can happen to a parent, short of losing a child to death.
I can't describe how painful it was, especially for the fact that we always knew it was horrible for the child in that environment and we were helpless to do anything about it...and on TOP of the abuse her mother delivered, the sexual abuse was going on as well, for a couple of years.
(The conclusion to that part of the story is....the bio-mom immediately called the police the moment she found out what was going on, he went to trial and then to jail...our child got counseling at the time, but of course, you never fully heal from that kind of trauma....she is doing well now as a young adult, but will always have issues....)
SO - why am I telling you this sad story? Not for sympathy at all, because I have had a long journey since that time and have mostly dealt with the pain, etc.
But I am telling you because....regardless of the fact that you are so hurt by what your H has done, you really should begin to embrace the idea that - even though wicca woman may be truly a horrible person - you can probably bet that she will NEVER be the abusive monster or child molestor that some other parents have to deal with in their children's lives.
I hope, again that this doesn't sound like a lecture. I am crying as I write it because although it was over 15 years ago, it still hurts so much that we couldn't protect her....
But please....everyone....please be grateful if your child is never put in that position, and please be grateful for your own circumstances, even if they are bad, but if they are not the worst nightmare you can imagine, then you are actually lucky....
