Trying to let go........with love!

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, BG.

I can always count on you for a warm fuzzy!!

H called to talk about the plan for the next couple days. He was thinking of taking S17 out tonight, but he is really busy with work (he has been promoted and is hiring his replacement while taking care of both jobs, and some more besides ).

We were going to swap the car for the truck, so I could use the truck to take our old couch up to the dream house where H says he will either use it or burn it. But, since he is really busy, and we are leaving Friday morning, he wasn't sure how to get the truck to me, or get the couch in it.

So, I told him that since I took tomorrow off, I could drive to the city and swap the vehicles and then I can supervise S17 and his friend in loading the couch. Well H seemed very thankful for this and thanked me. I am a little surprised that he accepted my offer. He has been so tight and afraid to either show kindness or allow me to do anything, because he fears "leading me on".

So, I'm hoping that my e-mail the other day about being kind to each other, has sunk in a little. I hope so. It makes our interaction so much more pleasant, and I appreciate that.

[sandycay]

Actually, last night ended on an up note. H called S17 and they talked some more. I over heard some of it, and was very proud of S17. At one point he told H that parenthood doesn't end at 18, it should be forever "like in the move Parenthood". S said that H's response was that life wasn't a movie......but then S17 said something strange. He said "Mom, Dad doesn't necessarily want you to move on." So, I asked what do you mean. He said he didn't want to break H's confidence, but he said that "Dad still cares for you very much and he wants to have you in his life, but he just can't see himself married to you anymore because he likes to drink and go out with the guys and you don't like that." S17 then said "He doesn't want you to just drop him and never talk to him again."

That's called CAKE EATING

it don't work that way... I think it's time to go dark on your H. Stop making his life so darn easy peasy girl. I am glad that he is trying in his MLC state to attempt this relationship with your son but he really needs to stop telling him about his "setups".

He should never discuss his "relationships" with his son. Your H must be very lonely to have to confide in a 17 yr old this stuff. I think maybe you should have a calm discussion with him and just ask him to not tell his son about his private life. That it naturally puts your son in the middle. Your son should not be your H "confidante".

I hope you have fun this weekend. Are you taking your little doggie with you or do you need a sitter?

[Silent Chrleader]

.....That's called CAKE EATING....

Well, that's a depressing thought....

But, I understand what you are saying and I do make it too easy on him sometimes I know. It's a fine line sometimes between "being the greener grass" and being a doormat.

It is my understanding that H doesn't talk as much to S17 as he used to.....i.e. since it came out that he had confessed his affair to S17 while drunk. S17 has complained that he no longer has that with H. But I do think maybe S17 asks and they do talk on some relationship stuff, much like S17 and I do. We try to keep it "generic" in trying to teach about relationships rather than speaking about specifics of our R. But, I know that H doesn't talk really about the "emotional" stuff to anyone.


The discussion of the "set ups" specifically started early on in the sitch and I suspect S17 just continues to ask status.....

And, yes, I am taking the baby with me this weekend. It turns our my step-brother and neice will be going too, so there will be 6 of us!!! FUN!!!!

[1hope]

Hello (((SC)))

Just coming by to see how you've been and to offer you hugs and good thoughts.

You have had your share of emotional stress lately. Take good care of yourself, and have a great weekend!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I actually think it's nice that H is talking with s17. As long as he's not blaming or bashing SC. I don't think he really needs to be in the middle of it, but like you said SC, leaving him completely out of it will not be good either.

It's not like the kid is 7 or something. he's practically an adult, and he will most likely go thru something just like this in the future, and he can learn from you guys' mistakes. IMHO.

in regards to cake eating.... I guess it depends if your meaning of cake eating is on purpose or not. I believe he still wants a connection with you because he loved you, and there is still something there, but he has it set in his head that nothing will ever change or work. But he still can't totally let you go. IMHO that just shows me there is still hope.

[Silent Chrleader]

..... But he still can't totally let you go. IMHO that just shows me there is still hope.

Hey, [[[[[S.T.]]]]]!!

I would sure like to believe this is the case!!! However, I am also trying to keep no expectations.

Also, sandycay is right that I do make it easy for H to cake eat sometimes. Case in point, I switched cars today, so I can take the truck up to the dream house so I can take the old couch up there for H. I also checked the bank account and transfered some money, even though H is supposed to be handling this stuff now. I know he needs to handle all the fallout for his choice and that is what I have been allowing him to do, but I've started getting notices of missed payments because he has so much on his plate (in taking the new job and hiring for his replacement while doing both jobs....). I am trying to be helpful, because we both suffer when the financial situation goes south.......but, I called H several times today, all regarding finances, and S17's schooling, and the house.....and H didn't return one call. Of course I didn't ask him to, and I gave him the info in the voice mail, so he really didn't need to, but it's still a little irksome.

S17 and I had really good sessions with C and had some really open conversations in the car while running around. S17 really talked about a lot of things I hadn't known about. The most concerning thing was that the OW apparently bad mouthed me to H in S17's and my D24's presence. No this REALLY pisses me off!! Never mind that she slept with my H (and S17 says that in H's drunken confession, H made it clear that she was the instigator). H is an adult and responsible for his own behavior, I don't care if she stripped and threw her self at him, he is responsible!! But to say stuff in front of my children!!!! That is so not appropriate!! Today, I saw her for the complete homewrecking slut she is!!! If I ever see her, I have no idea what I will do. I had thought that I would just likely walk away, but she tried to come between me and my kids!!! I would so like to confront her for the completely unredeemable morally bankrupt b**ch she is!!! But, I know that would only bring me down to her level. It still burns me up though.

I thought about confronting H on this, but it wouldn't do any good. It's just so galling sometimes to take the high road and feel like I get nothing for it!! I take solace in the fact that both my children love me and want me in their lives and support me. My H can't say the same. And yet I don't feel satisfaction from that. I feel concern and sadness for my H for his pain. Sometimes I really feel like I am just being pathetic.

BUT, I am so looking forward to this weekend! Tomorrow, S17, his friend, my brother and step brother and 10 year old neice and I are going up to the dream house to play in the snow!! I'm so glad everybody could go! It should be a real blast!!!

And I'm evil enough to have a little hope that H thinks about the fun we are having and wishes he were with us!.......but, I'm not betting on it....

[1hope]

Hi SC, I hope you have a safe trip and a wonderful time.

I know exactly how your feel about the ow's comments to your children. I had the same sitch in my first M. Guess what? A woman that will do that, is eventually going to do things that your H IS going to notice, and not like. He will eventually compare her to you, and will see that you were the one with grace and dignity. Hang in there.

I also know how you fell about wanting to rip her head off. Don't blame you a bit. A tigress will do the same if you come between her and the cubs. The good thing is that your kids are old enough to know her for what she is doing. She is going to hang herself, given time.

Have fun playing in the snow. I'm thinking about you!

[dl443322]

Hey friend, I hear ya on the making things easy for them deal. I have made it extremely easy for my h to stay in the house for a lonnngggg time. Dont know still if that was the right thing.
One suggestion, try to makea few less phone calls, maybe wait and combine all the info into one or two, ya know?

As far as ow, I know that she cant even shine my shoes or hold a candle to me, so I try really hard not to give her too much head space. And luckily for you,your kids are old enough to see the truth. Let her hang herself. And she will - you know that.

Keep being your wonderful self. Hold your head high, be there for your children. Live your life.

Have a ball this weekend. And dont think your h wont have a thought or two about you all being up there because he will. But that is not your concern right now. Just have fun!

Hugs.

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, ((((((Hope & BM)))))).

I know that what goes around comes around and OW will get her "come uppence" in the end even if I never get to see it. It is my understanding that she is out of the picture completely now, although it wouldn't surprise me if she and H still have some contact.

I am not a person who usually hates, but I sincerely do despise this woman!! It seems inevitable that I will one day see her because she still lives here, and I have a very satisfying fantasy of ripping her head off when I do. However, I know that is only stepping down to her level and I won't allow her that power over me.

Well, on other good news, my D24 got a job!! Wahoo!!

I have to get a shower and get on the road......

Love you all!!!!!!

[glamgirl]

Checking on you SC. Cake eating doesn't come to my mind, but then that's me. When you love unconditionally you don't worry about is this cake eating, is he interested, is he mad, what is he thinking, how did he percieve my convo.

You see SC, you speak from your heart regardless of how the other responds. You have NO expectations. You don't pursue, but you be true to yourself.

You h was thinking of you and showed he cared by looking for a phone for you. I would simply send him a nice text or e-mail something like h thank you so much for thinking of me and getting the awesome cell phone you did. I really appreciate that. I got it working and gave my old one to s17.

You see, how when you turn the situation around it has more possibilities for the future. There isn't a right way or a wrong way when you respond from your HEART!