I called H last night. I knew he was out of town and not at OW's house so he could talk freely. I needed to speak to him regarding selling our home.
We talked for 1 1/2 hrs.
He actually apologized for what he'd done. This was a first.
He told me that I had emasculated him. He said some things from our far past that I could see how he felt that way. I didn't point fingers and say you did this or you did that to me so I did this and that to you. I just let him talk.
H told me that I didn't appreciate him and I told him that WE didn't appreciate each other. H said that OW appreciates him and he appreciates her because they both have it better this time then they did in their 1st marriages.
He said that he'd tried to make it work but couldn't try anymore. I asked him how he thought he was trying when he was always texting her or on the phone with her; taking her and her kids on vacation while me and our S's stayed home; he'd take her away to New Orleans for weekend get aways but when I'd ask if we could go for a weekend he'd say how much he hates it there and that it's dirty; how he chose to be with her and her kids all while our S's and I thought he was working so hard for us and we felt bad for him that he couldn't be home with us. He said that he'd put a wall up and had tried to stay for the boys long before he met OW.
I told him that we could not change the past but work on a better future together. Now that we are both aware and all the cards are on the table we can both work on things. I said why don't we get a disinterested, third party to speak to that could help us. He, of course, said he didn't want to do this.
The conversation was OK. Neither one of us yelled or raised our voice. I told him that we had problems communicating in the past and that now that we are aware of everything we can start to communicate better. I told him he put his job first, I put the kids first and that we didn't put US first and that is what we need to do.
H told me that he sincerely wished that I'd find someone that could be my friend like OW is for him. He says that things are great, they hang out, laugh, cut up, have a good time together and regarding sex if it happens OK if not that's OK too. HUH? I couldn't believe he said the last part.
He never said that he loved OW just that they were such good friends and that he and I never got a chance to be "friends" because at first it was lust (which he said was great) then I became pregnant with S20 and we got married. He said that he hoped that we could be friends some day.
I'm meeting with him tomorrow after work to discuss putting the house on the market.
