I have to keep assessing the will it push her away or draw her closer aspect of everything I do . . .
Personally, I've never accepted that premise. I think it often leads to appeasement. I can think of many examples where -- SHORT term -- you may "push someone away," but that LONG-term build strength, respect, and -- eventually -- newer, healthier love.
For women, especially, "love" is very much tied to "respect." I think it is a given that there are hundreds of things that men do that a woman might initially complain about, or even pull back from ("push her away"), that REALLY are building respect, and therefore -- LOVE ("draw her closer").
But that's just me. And the bed is but one of dozens of examples.
And the bed is but one of dozens of examples. 
