Seriously a guy can really get lost in all of the tests that his wife puts him through during a separation and evening during the course of a normal relationship. Is it just me or do women just continuously test their husbands? It's like you can't relax because if you do, you will fail some test. Right now I have to show her that she can trust me not to fall back into my previous bad patterns & behaviours, show her that the "wall" is strong so if she attempts to punch holes in it, she will realize that it is strong or that I am strong.
lol it's not just you. I wish I had figured it out earlier, I would be in a much better place than I am right now.
Although it may seem like you can't relax, being aware of these tests for me is the first step towards being a better man. ie. if you can change into someone who naturally meets the challenges with ease, you no longer feel like you cannot relax. It's not a matter of having to prop up the wall, because the wall becomes who you are and it just is.
I actually feel myself changing (still not all the way there yet, long way to go). Instead of being one way and having to work on identifying the tests and passing them, I am becoming someone who naturally passes such tests because that is just the way I am. It feels good, I feel more relaxed, stronger, less controlling, more willing to accept that the occasional storm will come up, and that I am confident I can navigate through it quickly instead of letting it flood me and take me down with it.
Two books that have aided me in this area are "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, and "Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. I recommend reading them in that order if you are interested.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
