Trying to let go........with love!

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you so much, my Friends, for care and compassion for me. I know I am truly blessed to have people like you all in my life!

... Sometimes when we open our own feelings out, they may feel more inclined to let out theirs. perhaps?

I hadn't thought of that but perhaps that's true. I just don't want my son to feel in the middle or like he has to take sides. He is obviously a very sensitive kid, and it's not fair to burden him with our adult stuff. However, it's true that, especially with older kids, it is inevitable that they are somewhat in the middle because they love us both and are very much affected by the sitch. So, in trying to keep him out of it, he has said that he sometimes feels like we think hes just a stupid kid and his opinions mean nothing. It's a balance I have to find.......

....when you think about kicking out a 17 year old kid, where is he going to go?

I know!!! The truth is I could never actually "kick out" either of my kids. I have told them on rare occaisions that if they want to behave like a jerk, they can go somewhere else, but it's always voiced as their choice. But the truth is that I have told both my kids that so long as there is breath in my body, I could never willingly allow my child (or any family member) to "sleep on a park bench". That's just NOT in my make-up.

H seems to be able to turn his emotions off, and I have often envied him that, but I just don't have that ability.

Also, there is a CRC (Crisis Residential Center) near where I live, that is exactly for this type of thing. We had to make use of it a couple times in D24's teenage years. It is a home whereby parents can take their child for a 3 day stay, and you must have counseling regarding the situation before they are allowed to come home. It's a good program.

...I have NEVER called the OW.....

It wasn't the OW I wanted to call. It was a co-worker friend of H's that has been pushing to fix him up with her sister!!


Actually, last night ended on an up note. H called S17 and they talked some more. I over heard some of it, and was very proud of S17. At one point he told H that parenthood doesn't end at 18, it should be forever "like in the move Parenthood". S said that H's response was that life wasn't a movie......but then S17 said something strange. He said "Mom, Dad doesn't necessarily want you to move on." So, I asked what do you mean. He said he didn't want to break H's confidence, but he said that "Dad still cares for you very much and he wants to have you in his life, but he just can't see himself married to you anymore because he likes to drink and go out with the guys and you don't like that." S17 then said "He doesn't want you to just drop him and never talk to him again."

I didn't ask more questions because I didn't want to "grill him", although I would have love to hear if H actually said these things or if this was just S17's opinion. S17 has in the past been telling me that I should move on, and that H will never come back, so I don't know what to make of this.

Then I thought of something else. Yesterday, when H came into the C's office, he had a bag of stuff that he said was for me. It was a new cell phone and accessories. He said he got it on e-bay for $29. He said that I could give my old razor to S17 and I could have the new one. S17's phone has a broken screen. This is funny because H has been trying to get me to agree to take away S17's cell phone altogether, but I balked at that, because I don't like not being able to call him if I need or don't know where he is.

I didn't really think much about it at the time H gave it to me because I was preoccupied with the conversation I had had in the car with S17 on the way to C, and anticipatihng how C was going to go.......but, now I'm thinking.....so he went on e-bay and had to specifically look for phone.....for me.......when my phone works just fine.

Also, last night we firmed up plans for the weekend. I am taking Thursday and Friday off, and I am taking S17, his friend SS16, and my brother, and we are going up to the dream house to play in the snow!! Fun, Fun, Fun!

So, I am feeling much better today!!

[[[[[[[[[[My DB Friends!]]]]]]]]]]