Also...I forgot to mention that I think PTSD has been a huge factor in our relationship and the problems we've had.
The symptoms of it are very different for both of us, but it is PTSD regardless.
I think the "typical" symptoms are more prevelant for me: recurrant flashbacks and nightmares, startle response, hypervigilance, things along those lines.
Part of the hypervigillance, for me, has been for me to be overly sensitive to the emotions of others around me and to do a lot of "mind reading" as well. My C says they are weak-boundary issues that have been part of my survival tactics--always taking the safety-temperature around me.
With Wolfie, primary PTSD stuff has been extremely rigid boundaries. Emotional numbness, feelings of being isolated, dissociated and on the outside, difficulty bonding, irritability, stewing in anger, extreme need for solitude.
One thing that we do have in common is the need to "check-out" because of feeling overwhelmed by stress.
Honestly, I think that part of what bonded us in the first place was a recognition of the wounding we had both experienced. There was definately a sense of "this person will understand and respect that I have very tender spots".
Wolfie says that part of the work he is doing with his C is in the area of boundaries--tearing down some of the wall he's built around himself and his emotions, feeling connected, feeling bonded.
It just now occurred to me that we've had conversations over the years that had the following theme:
Me: I feel afraid because I don't feel like you are bonded/not-invested/detached. Him: That's just how I am. What are you worried about, I'm still here aren't I? Me: You are often here pysically, but there is very little intimacy and that makes me feel unsafe. Him: Intamacy and vulnerability make ME feel unsafe. Besides, I don't understand you being upset--I've seen REAL suffering and this doesn't qualify as a big deal. Me: I give up.
See what I mean, Shiny? PTSD has been a huge factor all along.
