My sitch is pretty opposite yours, BF will not initiate contact. But I had a thought...have you tried telling your H something like "I would like to talk to you but I won't communicate in anger. Let's take some time to cool off and plan to talk later."
I'm starting day five of NC, still have thoughts of BF and OW running through my head but a little less I think.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g