my H is very self absorbed actually. Sure he is sex starved.... but *I* also want passion. I dont consider myself LD. I dont consider myself HD either, he has hurt me so much that sex for me was not sharing. It was always me having to prove how much I loved him. It sucks like that. I want passion too, I want him to hug me out of the blue, not just when he is horny. I want to make love,,,, not for it to be a run to the finish. I am tired of being told he is fed up with me and my lack of creativity. All I feel then ,
is that only my P****Y matters,
that is all I hear.
I want to be shown that I am loved for others things besides my sex. I dunno.... Yes that is how he communicates. So when I try to speak his language, he is focusing on my pronunciation instead of enjoying that I am trying to speak this new language. I dunnno ..
This will be the last year I stick my neck out. If I get nothing back? I will have to make a choice. Not b/c i dont love him but b/c I do.
I called him a bit ago and stuck my neck out. I was out of my comfort zone. I was being sexy and naughty and then ????
He, ts-k ts-k me!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT LIKE THIS AND SAID THIS....
I can take criticism that is all he gives sometimes. He asks me to be more sexual and then he needs for it to be his way. My gift then turns out to be an annoyance. This is why I do not try,,,
It has taken me almost three years to know. I AM NOT A PROBLEM. I AM NOT GARBAGE. I AM NOT WORTHLESS. I AM NOT the reason for his unhappiness. He has to put forth some effort or even accept the gifts once in awhile. the gift cannot always be on his terms.
Even if I give him oral he will then say ... Yeah but I really didnt want you to or you should have done this too. And he does not say it in a loving way , he says it with such ugliness.
I get no A for effort ever. I cant love him enough fo rhim to love himself. I see that very clearly now. I love him and always will. I am beginning to love myself now too. Something I have threatened since I saved my M.
I am in a good place really. I will keep working against his Ebenezer demeanor. but~ I think even if I f^cked him silly every day and left him drooling? He would still be miserable?
I remember I started the 30 days of initiating and many here thought I was spoiling him? For him it was all BS~
UGH!~!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Vent over.... I still feel fine and yet I know that I need to do more "work " on me.
