When you can see yourself in things she does wrong, you have forgiven.
When you understand that her life is not what she wants and that she is truly lost, you have forgiven..
When you no longer blame yourself for the situation, you have forgiven..
When you looked for to time with friends, work and time alone without being ditracted by when she will come back, you have forgiven...
When you talk to her or see her, and you feel your heart opening, you have forgiven...
When you walk upright and proud, when you look in the mirror and smile at yourself, when you start to remember good things from the past with her, you have forgiven...
I thought I would post this to let you all know how I am doing. It has taken me 5.5 months to reach this point in my life. Women notice me, people smile at me, my kids want to be around me, and i know i can go in any direction I choose. I am on my walk, and very happy to be there. Church is no longer a place to pray for me, it is a state of mind, I pray everywhere and all the time. the rage is gone, I have no more fuel. told you it wouldn't last, but I got the two weeks I wanted. I miss her very much, She is hurting very much, and I am not sure she understands the damage she has done, is doing or the damage she is doing to herself. I no longer pray forher to come back to me, I pray for her to be safe, to evaluate her life, soberly, and make decisions about where she wants to go with a clear mind and heart. I want to believe it will lead her to me. But if it doesn't and she becomes happy, then good for her, I have done all that I could to save my marriage. I no longer pray that I will be around when and if she realizes she should be with me, it is a lesson in futility. God, is watching me,He believes in me, and has made me believe in myself. 25year, DD, Amy, T'Gone, FH you guys have really helped me. All of your words are now coming together after all of these months. She has "found me", I am not "hiding" anymore. Now that she knows I am standing in front of her, God will watch her and guide her. And soon she will come out of "hiding" and "find" herself.
