Treese, The excuses they use for walking out the door are almost always very petty to us. However, his perception is totally different and yes, he should have talked to you about the kissing. They, in this sick little mlc minds, just assumed that our crystal balls were working all cylinders and would know this stuff. Also, when they point out what they perceive as wrongs by us, we will do utmost to fix the errors of our ways. Not enough! It's then something else. Bottom line, they honestly, in mlc land, do not know what has made them dissatisfied/unhappy. So, what do you do? Live your life to the fullest and know that you are human and yes, we all make mistakes and can learn from them. You can't fix him or his happiness...only your own. No marriage is 100% happy all of the time...we all have ups and downs and make mistakes.
As for the tires, it could have been an excuse to contact you, but he could have been rechecking off that little errand in his brain.
As for your children....he's got to be the one to bond w/them. You can't do it for him. If you ask him to take your son...leave it at that. Do not point out how many weeks it's been. You are being a "mother" again to your h and he doesn't need to have finger pointing done, if you want him to have a relationship w/your son. Step back, allow God to work on him. It's not our place to keep the checklist for what they do or don't do correctly any longer. I know you want him to be there for your son and he will be, but it's going to have to be on his time table and nothing you say or do will hurry up or help that process.
If you are hoping to have a "friend" relationship w/him for the sake of your children, it wouldn't hurt to ask how he's doing. But, do not initiate the contact...wait until he does next time. I know you are still angry and hurt about the ow taking care of him, but that was his choice and because he's not living at home, he needed someone to help him out.
Treese, mlc is a whole different animal and one that takes a long time to understand. In his mind, he's already divorced from you and feels no "emotional" attachment to you. This emotional detachment happened about 18-24 months before he walked out the door. It's not that he doesn't love you, but his feelings are just numb right now. This is the depression talking. You will have to learn to accept him for who he is today and not who he was several years ago. The person he is today perceives things differently and will respond differently to everything around him, including you, your children and the relationship. BTW, the way that he is handling all of the situations is that he is compartmentalizing...they are experts at this during crisis.
Treese, enjoy your day off and keep the focus on you and your children. Please understand, you are not the problem...he is.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
