Ain't it horrible when your H confuses you with his mom and acts as if you'd react to everything the way mom used to react? I've felt like screaming 'I'm not your Mom, I do not do things like her (I'm not that stupid)' to the rooftops more than once. It is the only thing I agree with of imagotherapy.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Opt...Yea, it's really frustrating and sometimes I just have to leave the room in order to contain my irritation before dealing with my H in a constructive way.
So you are familiar with the concept of "imago". You are the first person I've heard refer to it.
Sorry Tal, I don't mean to be sideways on your thread.
You're not being sideways, J. I'm familiar with the imago concept too, and it's nice to have others understand how frustrating it is when there is that "I'm not your mom!" dynamic in a R, especially when the whole mom picture is a very dysfunctional one.
I'm having a very hard time this morning. Cried on the way to work for the first time in many months.
H called from work to make sure I got up in time to take S16 to school early. He woke me up at the tail end of a nightmare I was having.
I was standing outside of a partially opened window of what (I assume) was Wolfie's apartment. I could see him with the BU-XOW. Her things were laying around, so I could see that she had been staying there with him.
He was telling her intimate details of our sessions with MC and ridiculing me. He was also sortof bragging that he'd been able to give evasive answers to my questions and that I had seemed to "buy" his answers.
BU said that it was sad, but that I'd obviously believe whatever he told me because I wanted to believe it.
H said, "well, you know my philosphy, nothing is illegal unless you get caught doing it".
At that point, they were laughing...in a way that was mocking me and began to kiss. I walked away as it appeared that they were going to have sex and I couldn't bear anymore.
I guess I don't need Freud to interpret that dream, it's pretty straight forward. In the past, I would have put more credence in a dream like that as being an indication of the real truth. Now I know it is more likely flashback-related.
Still....I feel so sick to my stomach and I'm shaking like a leaf.
I tried to call H on my way to work, just hearing his voice would have calmed me down.
But, he had his cell phone off. I left a page on his phone, but he hasn't responded, and that is really messing with my head.
I feel like I'm going to have some kindof a panic attack!
Great pix. Good for you, I'm not brave enough to show a photo of myself.
After reading this, it hit me that my H had a screwed up childhood, which I knew about. But, didn't realize the extent until just recently and how it must be affecting him to this day. His father worked out of town during the week and when he came back his mom would make up stories about things he did and then his dad would beat him. He called her a backstabber, which is used to sometimes call me...hmmmmm. He hates his mom, so he says, can't believe his dad would put up with her all these years. She's an alcoholic also. I told my H that he doesn't know what his mom was going through and that she was only doing the best she could, blah, blah..he doens't want to hear that. I also brought up the fact that maybe his dad had an affair, you never now, and that was why his mom was so bitter, blah, blah,....and he said my dad?!! Never!
Tal, try this. I may sound kind of weird but it helps me (when I remember it).
Quote: I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
-- Dune, Frank Herbert (New York: Berkley Pub., 1987, c1965)
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Thanks you guys. I know it's just a dream, but the emotions that came up because of it are very real. Where it gets confusing is that a dream is what told me the A was going on in the first place.
