Never say Never; it's worth the fight!

[Treese]

Hi all....wanted to start a new thread because today it has been 1 year since my H walked out the door leaving me to pick up the pieces of me and my children..

I've cried already...get it over with...and now I will go about my day...I do wonder though if he is thinking about this or if they really have no clue...funny how we, the sane ones, can remember it like it was yesterday...the emptiness I felt, the looks on those little faces as they realized dad was gone...that's the hurt I feel, for my little ones....they don't deserve all this. I work to make our life as healthy and happy as I can, with what I have...

I think I am sooooo much better than I was a year ago....I still cry but not nearly as much...sometimes when I see H I feel sorry for him...he looks gray...looks tired....but there are other times he looks great, and happy, and those are the days I question....how can he be happy with all this mess....He has our family, a son who is 9, whom he never had a relationship with, and now does, and he has OW....I personally wouldn't be able to keep up...on top of that his girls won't speak to him and he says it's their problem...guess that's his defense mechanism...if he tells himself that, it will be okay...I don't really know anymore and I really don't try to know...I just question the why...

The other day when I was fighting with H about the OW taking care of him after his surgery...I again told him I had no idea he was unhappy....but that maybe we got lost, took for granted...he said, "Treese, we didn't even kiss"...well, maybe not alot but WTF? you left me for that....and why couldn't he come and kiss me all the time if that's what he wanted...I would have been very happy to kiss...we never really had enough alone time, always traveling with one of the kids, and just busy...no excuse just was...
So, it was okay to go ahead and take the time we could spend together and get a woman pregnant and get a girlfriend...
SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!!!!

I truly was a good wife, I'm a great mom, I had my faults, made my mistakes, but I wanted to work on them...he ran and I told him that...he just says, "we're not like that anymore"..I need to move on...so in my rant and rave I told him never to call me again..I would deal with him through text or he could communicate with the kids on their phones...and I hung up...that was last Wednesday....the only thing we heard from him was last Thursday when his surgery was done, he texted and said, "went well"....I didn't respond....why? he was flippin at the OW house doing it....he knew it would hurt me so he did it anyway...I told my children it went well, and I never responded...then on Monday, he texted me to tell me he was getting his tires, which I knew,..so I asked him to take son this weekend cause he hasn't had him for 2 weekends, and after a few hours of no response he said, that's fine....I haven't texted him since....I'm serious this time...I want him to know I'm strong and I'm not taking the crap anymore...he has it all...and no flippin responsibilities....

Curious here, do you think he texted me on Monday to tell me about the tires or because he was thinking about me and that was the story to use? No, I havent' been dwelling on it, just curious....

And, since it's been a year I am sure he will file...you have to be separated for a year, and then it doesn't matter what I have to say...he can file...this could be over before I know it...and I've drug it out for no reason except that I fought for what I believed in...gave it 150%...he gave it nothing...he says he's very happy with OW, says I can't hate her cause I don't know her, yes, I do...and yes, I hate her...they both knew what they were doing but the thing that saddens me most is that he confided in her about his child before me, that hits at the core...he was my best friend...at least I thought he was...

So, I havent' asked about his akelies, if he's doing okay, I dont' care...a part of me hopes it hurts a little...sorry...that's not right...his kids havent' asked him..

I am going to watch my soon to be SIL ask my daughter to marry him...it should be with all of us including H but he chose another path...I will make it happy for her...she is going to be so surprised....and so will H for that matter....

Anyway sorry for the long post....it's just a mellow day..

School is out because of weather, so I'm off...it's a jammie day..son and daughter and I are cleaning and shoveling...doesn't that sound like fun...well, I got SHAM WOWs in the mail and the kids are still laughing at me...S11 says, "it's a sham wow day"...

(((hugs))))