You're not being sideways, J. I'm familiar with the imago concept too, and it's nice to have others understand how frustrating it is when there is that "I'm not your mom!" dynamic in a R, especially when the whole mom picture is a very dysfunctional one.
I'm having a very hard time this morning. Cried on the way to work for the first time in many months.
H called from work to make sure I got up in time to take S16 to school early. He woke me up at the tail end of a nightmare I was having.
I was standing outside of a partially opened window of what (I assume) was Wolfie's apartment. I could see him with the BU-XOW. Her things were laying around, so I could see that she had been staying there with him.
He was telling her intimate details of our sessions with MC and ridiculing me. He was also sortof bragging that he'd been able to give evasive answers to my questions and that I had seemed to "buy" his answers.
BU said that it was sad, but that I'd obviously believe whatever he told me because I wanted to believe it.
H said, "well, you know my philosphy, nothing is illegal unless you get caught doing it".
At that point, they were laughing...in a way that was mocking me and began to kiss. I walked away as it appeared that they were going to have sex and I couldn't bear anymore.
I guess I don't need Freud to interpret that dream, it's pretty straight forward. In the past, I would have put more credence in a dream like that as being an indication of the real truth. Now I know it is more likely flashback-related.
Still....I feel so sick to my stomach and I'm shaking like a leaf.
I tried to call H on my way to work, just hearing his voice would have calmed me down.
But, he had his cell phone off. I left a page on his phone, but he hasn't responded, and that is really messing with my head.
I feel like I'm going to have some kindof a panic attack!
