I got a call from Wolfie's sister last night. They rarely talk , in fact most of their family seems to be like that. She and I talked for an hour and a half, and she told me quite a bit about their childhood. She filled in a lot of information between the blanks, I guess, of what he has told me.
Quite honestly, I don't know how H survived as well as he has, considering how he grew up. Not only were the kids supposed to be seen but not heard, there was a near total absence of any affection or communication from their parents. The father was a very physical disciplinarian with Wolfie (a punch in the nose was a common occurance). The mom was prone to deep depressions and fits of anger. She would apparently beat them black and blue with belts over small things that she wouldn't bother about the next day. The just never knew when the physical and verbal abuse was coming next, but knew it was definately coming.
The sister described their mom as having numerous affairs that she forced her daughter to keep secret and be a collaborator in. Wolfie only knew about the one that couldn't be hidden, when his mom got pregnant by a married co-worker and then tried to commit suicide.
What a great childhood, enit?
I told my C about all of this today, and she gave me a lot of good insight into why Wolfie does some of the things he does as a result of his upbringing. She says that almost everything he does that is dysfunctional and causes trouble in our R relates back to having a huge wall he's built around himself to try not to allow himself to be hurt. She says that even though he doesn't act at all possessive, she thinks he is actually terrified all the time that he will loose me.
It does make sense, what she's saying. There's many times that he's told me that he figured I'd wake up one morning and wonder, "What the hell am I doing with this bozo? What the hell was I thinking?"
It's just hard for me to see the vulnerable, insecure person in there behind those thick walls.
