Trying to let go........with love!

[Silent Chrleader]

What a crappy emotionally draining day!!!

C with H and S17 was tough. S17 was really cocky and then showed a LOT of anger, mostly toward H. I tried to share some thoughts in a more constructive manner about how the past year has been a lot of pressure and change for S17, and the things I said were difficult for H to hear I know, but I felt it needed to be said.

H contended that S17 always pushed limits and was difficult to motivate. This is true, but it has escalated alarmingly in the past year. Then H said he didn't want to talk so much about why it happened but what needs to be done and how to fix it.

S17 then said that of course that's what H wants. S17 then accused H of deflecting, and H asked why S had never said any of this before, and S told him it was because he knew H would brush it away. H asked when he ever brushed anything away, and S17 said "You always blow everything off just like you did with Mom!" H said "When?!" And S17 said "With OW!! You were telling Mom that you would work on the M, but you had no intention to and were chasing OW!" H said "I did tell C early on that I wanted a D!" Then I had to call him on that by asking C if he was telling me the truth back in November when the afair came out, that H had never actually said he wanted a D, nor told C about the affair in the whole 6 months of IC with H.

Well, then H got up and said "I'm not doing this!" and walked out (although it was the end of the hour anyway). S17 jumped up and said "Yea why do you get to walk away, yet you won't let me!" Then S17 took off out of the building. I was crying, so I went to the bathroom to clean up. When I came out, H was coming out of the men's room and his eyes were red. I told that whether he believed it or not, I was not trying to lay blame. I only wanted honesty so we could have full understanding and learn everything we can from this. H didn't reply.

We went out and found S17 in the parking lot. H asked me to have some time with him. At first I suggested giving him some space, but he wouldn't listen, so I waited in the car while they talked. When S17 came back to the care I told him I was proud of him for being honest. I asked if things were OK with him and his Dad, and he said "No, not really, there's too much to fix in a short time." He didn't elaborate any more really.

S17 and I talked a lot in the car on the way home. About his childhood. About relationships. About drugs. About all kinds of things. He confessed a lot of things. He used to sneak out of the house and take the car when he was 14!! I asked why he did this! He said because it made him feel free. When he was growing up, our lives were so wrapped around D24 because of her "handicap" that S17 I think often felt overlooked. So, he found ways to just quietly get a little of his own back. We're lucky he didn't get hurt. But, I am hoping that this is a good thing that he seems to have really opened up some, and I hope this bodes well for his future sessions with C.

I do have some concern that I shared too much with him about my feelings about my M and H's behavior. I have really tried to keep him out of the middle, and not share any of those feelings, but today, it just seemed like the floodgates opened and a lot of stuff came pouring out. I hope I didn't make too big a mistake in that.........S17 did tell me that H's co-worker has tried to "set up" H with her sister "like 8 times" and Saturday was when it finally came together......H has told him all about it!

And, just for the cherry on top of my day.....D24 called while we were on the way home and wanted to come over to print up a couple of her resumes on my computer. I told her we'd pick her up, and when we got there, S17 went and pouned on her door. She didn't answer. I called on her cell and told her we were there. We then waited for 5 minutes and she didn't show or call, so I drove away. She called after I was about a mile down the road and asked what happened. I told her that I was not her chaufer and she should have been ready. (She does this all the time.) My daughter then called me a bi**h and hung up on me!

Yep, something really crappy in the karma today!