Another new topic! already? Here we go

[LoginName]

CL,
Everyone one does have to decide on their own. Your standard is a logical one.

But, why? Why bother?

Maybe I've learned to detach too much. Maybe the physical seperation between my W and me is a bigger factor than I think, but I'm often wondering why bother.

The kids are a big reason, but my son is leaving for college next year, my daughter is doing great with W (though I miss her terribly - even that is getting easier)so they seem to be doing well. My W and I are and I believe would remain good friends and put the kids as a first priority. I'm lucky in that. Not everyone's spouse is able to think of the kids first.

So if you take kids out of the equation, what's left?

Do you still believe in love? Why? Do you think you can have love with your spouse, after all that's been changed, all that's been broken? I'm not crying about how terrible my W is and how she destroyed my believe in love. She didn't. Our M was in trouble long before she left.

Which leads to the next question: what has changed? Anything? My W and I are the same people we were before the bomb. Why would I think our M would be better? Why would I think it's fixed. H3LL, I don't even really know what the problem was.

The only way I really think I've changed is that I'm no longer content to be a martyr. I won't settle. I don't mean I'm demanding everything is my way, but if I'm unhappy, I'm not going to suffer and go along, I'm going to do something about it.

What's changed in my W? Maybe she's broken those habits of thought, as she has told me, of feeling responsible for everyone's happiness, especially mine. Maybe she's broken the habit of thinking she needed my permission to do anything (where did she ever get that idea, and I never had a clue?).

Maybe with those simple changes, we can have a great M. But I think just as likely, we could both see that we don't need or want to be married to each other, and maybe to anyone.

GALing, detaching, living away from her, I'm pretty happy. I like living alone. I would say why ever live with someone, or be with someone else, but I know the answer to that. We are social creatures. We need to connect with another, and share parts of our lives with others.

But would a "friend" serve that purpose as well or better than a spouse? Have friends, date, even get serious and then if (more likely, when) you grow tired of each other, move on.

Why work so hard.

If I let the weather simply flow through me, wouldn't I relax, move on?

Why do you keep trying CL? Do you still believe in the fairy tale? I think I still do. Maybe only when I completely have lost faith in love, will I figure it out.

Why work so hard, when she still calls the OM (or in your case, sleeps elsewhere)? For me, it doesn't hurt much at all anymore, but the fact that she still wants to keep it private tells me something.

Is it actually possible for two people to mate for life and be happy? And if it is possible, is it only because those two are lucky - never had to face the challenge that would have broken them?

I just want to know, to understand. My guess, right now, is that love doesn't really exist. You have to, Have to, take care of yourself. Happy doesn't mean life is a party, but it does mean you live your life the way you were meant to, with integrity to yourself. You can't compromise certain parts of yourself.

I don't expect some wild change in anyone's behavior. Being true to yourself is more internal than external. Others might not even see a difference, but you'll know.

I wish you all the luck in the world, CL. If you've answered these questions, please, clue me in. If the questions don't mean much to you, tell me that too.

I don't see much of a difference between D and M, as a choice. Make the one that's best for you.

I'm staying M, until I decide not to be. I assume my W is doing the same. It can happen any time, any day. I try to be relaxed and comfortable with that knowledge, but it probably does keep me from being as close to her as I was.

I could keep babbeling (babbling?) on and on, and I probably will, but I'll keep it to myself for now, this is long enough.

I need to research what it means to be a knight of infinite faith, as oppossed to a knight of infinite resignation. I never want to be resigned again.