Can Two Alphas Live Together?

[optimist]

Thanks for the help, Shiny. I just finished reading Tal's threads and her H and mine could be clones. Unfortunately the certified Paralegal in the case is the OW, not me. And she is a master manipulator!

Anyway, my H is also an extreme conflict avoider, especially of any conflict which involves women (childhood experiences and the like), and he also works in the medical field, where opportunities are abundant. And it was also lack of communication that was our downfall: we both resented and withdraw. I stupidly poured into my career and accepted, not engineered, a one year commuter-couple situation that was our downfall. Shows what an ass an intelligent woman can be: can you guys think I was actually relieved he was moving and would not be there so I could do my work?!!!!

The OW is older than my H by 7 years and than me by 13. She is divorced (her H made her leave town and changed the locks on her, which now makes me wonder what was he scared of), and depends economically on my H. She is not going to let go of the social and economic improvement her brings to her. And she mothers and bosses him around.

My SIL's significant other thinks my H is unconsciously repeating the situation at his childhood home with his mother (whom he hated) and his grandmother (whom he adored) openly competing for the children's love and affection. My SIL (his only sister) just thinks he is a jerk, too weak to fight for us and kick the OW's old ass.

To add insult to injury, my H has this big complex about my family (very, very close and rather uppity. Well, they are not but can look like that to someone who feels socially inferior) and I make a lot more money than he does (about 5x). He has told me many times: you don't need me (which has come in handy, because many times in the last 5 years I have felt very much as a married single mother).

I am sorry if I am highjacking your thread, Tal, but I am in very great need of your reknowned Indian wisdom. Do you have any insights?

Pleeeease....