Well, interesting conversation last night on the phone:
He still doesn't see why I would have an issue about PO boxes and such. He wonders if he will always be under a microscope with everything he does scrutinized.
I said I don't do that now, why would I do it later? Yes, I do expect that we will consult with each other on things that affect us both. Yes, I expect he will disclose things that I have a right to know about....but
I would feel much more comfortable if he were really aware of how he set himself up. He seems to still be baffled that a relationship with one of his female friends went from 0 - 60 in 5 seconds.
He thinks the REAL problem is all about his cut-and-run-want-to-be-alone stuff. He is working with his counselor on identifying when he first begins to feel that way, and comes to me to talk about it. He wants me to help him figure out what is going on that is making him feel that way: something at work, something going on in our family, or whatever. He says he is afraid about how to do this, because he worries that all of my "stuff" about abandonment will kick in and all I will hear is that he wants to leave. He said what he needs me to do is see that he's coming to me because he really DOESN'T want to run and he needs my help to pull him back in.
I said that's great & I'm hopefull that it would help alot.
I said I'd like to come to him to talk about it when I'm feeling insecure, suspicious, whatever...without him getting defensive, or feeling horribly guilty, or doing the rebellious teenager routine, or feel like I was putting him under a microscope. What I really need when I come to him with such things is reassurance.
I said that what I was asking for was very similar. If we can look at things as working at a team, instead of getting all reactionary, it might work. I guess it's going to take a lot of practice.
