It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

Sandy


What I mean is, he may have said some of that stuff just to look "tough" in front of his coworker. Doesn't make it right, but doesn't mean he doesn't really want to be with you, either. I am sure his coworkers knew he had moved out and was with OW, right? And I am sure he told them quite a story to justify that to himself...so he is trying to downplay moving back home.

Don't know if that makes sense, I just mean a lot of times guys have to make excuses for their actions to try and save face in front of other guys...

And his comments about the other affair at work? In our minds it would be the appropriate time to say, "I made that mistake and it was a horrible decision, (co-worker) should stop now" or something like that. But since HE had an affair he prob. feels he would be a hypocrite to judge the other person. (My H said as much once when I was criticizing OW, he said it was hard to get mad at her for it b/c he had done the same thing)

Anyway maybe I am way off the mark here but sometimes guys just b.s. with each other....

Well, your post really makes sense. Maybe that's it. I am just trying to not act rash or say or do anything rash here. I am deeply hurt by his cavalier comments on this.

Thanks BJ for you words of wisdom it helps to have another point of view.

[sandycay]

Was your H at all upset that you listened in when his phone accidently re-dialed you? If he was, then that would be more of an indicator that some of what he was saying with the other guy had some truth. Otherwise, if he understood your feelings about what you heard, then you might just want to chalk this up as guy talk.

You have a set back in your trust now. Is your H willing to continue to work so as to regain it?

Hi Kerry,
Thanks for stopping by my thread. No, he wasn't upset at all, he didn't stammer in his answers, only seemed to play down the first part of the conversation. I guess I am struggling with the how do I trust him now after hearing that?

[sandycay]

Interesting..interesting indeed..so you heard this over a cell phone convo...a snafu'ed 3 way call...Hmmmmm..interesting..anyway..I can see where it might be posturing or male BS as it was referred too.. I also see no harm in keeping an eye out for a bit given your H's history..

trust but verify

I can also see it from the other side..men talk about their conquests all the time with each other..men also talk about their feelings ladies..some of us anyway..I've got a buddy..hard core playa..never been married..fell for a girl..got crushed..playa cried on my shoulder for weeks..so we do discuss our feelings..

Mike

His bluetooth was on and must have been pressed and you know it will dial back the last number.....it called me....it was in his pocket..... he was in the car with the other dude going out to???


How can I verify when he's not in the same state? By his word? That's the problem, I was believing in him now I don't know how I can.

[sandycay]

......playa cried on my shoulder for weeks..so we do discuss our feelings..

Of course I didn't mean to offend, M!! But you have to admit, YOU and the other men on these boards are SPECIAL!!!

[[[[HUGS]]]]

AMEN

[sandycay]

SC,

Thanks for your words as well. I knew you guys could help me discern the emotion out of this. I feel I have come so far and to have that trust ripped away again is tough.

How do I know if it's just posturing or really who he is when he is not here?

Maybe he's thinking he could just swing a PA instead of an EA. I don't know why though... it's not because of lacking here.

[Silent Chrleader]

....Maybe he's thinking he could just swing a PA instead of an EA. I don't know why though... it's not because of lacking here.

I don't think this has anything at all to do with you and your R!! It's emotions that inside himself! He'll figure it out!

My C has told me, and I believe this, that insecurity is not so much a manifestation of lack of trust in somebody else. It's a lack of trust in YOURSELF!! You have to trust yourself to be able to handle whatever comes your way!

Remember how far you have come!! I was so very envious of you when we talked!! Your strength and ingenuity in dealing with your H while you were seperated really inspired me and I have used that as a guide for myself several times over the past couple weeks and it has really helped!!

I believe your H means it when he says that it was just BS conversation to him and that he is committed to your M and wants to continue. The fact that he did not get angry at you and try to deflect the spotlight back on you says an awful lot for his character in my opinion!! Really!!

But even if he did make the choice to go down another path again, remember that you are strong and you can handle whatever life throws at you! You've been tested and proven up to task. Don't allow old patterns and fears to take you back down that dark hole that you worked so hard to climb out of.

You are a phenomenal woman, and your H knows that very well!!! Don't you forget it!!

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

[ernest88]

......playa cried on my shoulder for weeks..so we do discuss our feelings..

Of course I didn't mean to offend, M!! But you have to admit, YOU and the other men on these boards are SPECIAL!!!

[[[[HUGS]]]]

No offense taken..Playa he ain't special..he's not on this board..he is a buddy and he is just that a playa..

oh..I know I'm special..

[ernest88]

His bluetooth was on and must have been pressed and you know it will dial back the last number.....it called me....it was in his pocket..... he was in the car with the other dude going out to???

Ok..got ya now..well I lean with Kerry on this..if your H did not get upset or put up a big fight about this then I would say he may have just been BS'ing with this dude..men do that..throw crap back and forth..


if he is sincere about all this then I would think we would be very transparent with you..is he??

[Tomato]

Hi sandy

You seem to have quite a barn-burner going here. Your casual posting here has been up-ended for a bit while you process this latest twist.

Well before I get swept up in the twist, I just want to say that it is nice to see you on here. I hope that in the interim time since your last posts that things have been going real well and that you have been the recipient of many blessings. I think it is important to remember that life is a lot broader and has a lot going on with it then the micro of the event s that you are diligently working on processing right now.

If you even begin to 'drown' yourself in the micro of this or any episode, then the devil is succeeding at tearing a part of you away from the Lord. We mustn't let it happen.

I don't necessarily wish to do any dissecting of any of this. I am late showing up to the 'parade' anywayze. And anything that I might say would be unsolicited anyway. I focussed on your posts and caught a little of what your responses were. Seems you have good guidance from good people. Not that thatis new around here. That is a blessing in and of itself.

What you were made privvy to was just another in a long series of tests. Tests of your meddle. Stay fastened to the Lord as you do and you will be fine. H needs to do the same.

I will be praying for yuz.

T

[sandycay]

His bluetooth was on and must have been pressed and you know it will dial back the last number.....it called me....it was in his pocket..... he was in the car with the other dude going out to???

Ok..got ya now..well I lean with Kerry on this..if your H did not get upset or put up a big fight about this then I would say he may have just been BS'ing with this dude..men do that..throw crap back and forth..


if he is sincere about all this then I would think we would be very transparent with you..is he??

Mike- has been very transparent with me but you know it's easy to say when your in another state another time zone "I'm going to bed and or I'm going to have a few beers with the boys" I would never know the difference if it's the truth or not.

I do have access to his work phone records and they have never turned up anything. I try not to look much anymore. He doesn't work a 9-5 so work hours are ambiguous. I don't have anyway to veify that very much.

It's all about trust and I lost that "again" the other night