The unfaithful wife...that's me..

[Mellenmack]

I know I have to break this cycle. I can literally see it going round in my head. I try to detach. He gets mad. I feel guilty. I try to be friends. I get hurt. I try to detach. He gets mad. I feel guilty. I can even see each dang stage as it's happening. Right now I am in the I feel guilty stage. I know I need to skip ahead to the detach stage.

Maybe just seeing the C yesterday brought me down more because it's having to live thru and talk about everything again. The bottom line is that I want it to work if it can work the right way. The right way being the key words.

Yesterday first thing he emails me and tells me to not be asking S13 any more questions (don't i have the right to ask what s13 observes in other home?) i don't badmouth. it is simply questions. maybe i shouldn't. but when i don't get upfront honest from h, i feel like i have to. i should probably turn that off. then he tells me not to talk to his mom. I was like HELLOOOOO!!! YOUR mom called ME, not the other way around. Then he proceeds to tell me what I believe. Which was wrong.

I quick replied correcting his false beliefs and told him that if he still wanted to go to c, the next appt is next monday at 10am and let it go at that. i did not initiate anymore and he let it go. so far, no contact today. i am guessing today or tomorrow, he will email me again, probably to ask about d4 and i will say she is fine. that is about all i ever tell him about her. "she is fine". if he's truly interested, he can either call and talk to her himself or come pick her up. i've never put limits on their contact. and then he will get mad when i don't respond. yesterday he says "thanks for the short answers. must be really hard to converse." lmao, kind of. I just wanted to yell..."YOU WANT SOMETHING ELSE...SO GO GET IT!!!" but I didn't. I ignored.

It is hard to detach when you feel like you are being attacked. BA, I know you will understand this.

I did not make an appt with legal. I will wait until next Monday. I truly feel like when we walk out of there next Monday, I will know the right thing to do. I feel like I can see the path, but it is littered with leaves and....bird doo....I guess

Hope ya'll have a good day.

Mel

[25yearsmlc]

mel,

where in NM are you? I thought minot south dakota...ttys. Oh the case was in the last 80's and I can't recall his exact date but my assignment in appellate law ended in May of '90. So somewhere in the late 80's. His mom...we should talk sometime. She started a group you may know about. Okay...later!

RE: Job, are you saying for me to get credentialled in another state from here? Like online? And that will count here? The online programs are hazy as to what they will do for you as you must get in front of kids sometime for the hands on they require (and ruling out my pedophile past--KIDDING--KIDDING moderators, I am kidding with my dark but sophisticated sense of humor...) and I don't feel like working for free forever. Pay cut is one thing; slavery is another. But as for your job, I thought you wanted to get into counselling or were. ?? Is that your GAL goal? Well, get to it!

(( j ))