I would reccomend you find yourself a counselor or a spiritual advisor. While this board may be very helpful, I think you need someone you can really talk to.
I would try not to worry about your wife or relationship issues so much as the relationship you have with yourself.
1st things 1st - you have been on a LONG tough ride and need to heal your own wounds before you will have any true clairity on what you want out of life...let alone how to get it.
Me: 37 Wife: 40 Son: 7yo Son: 18 mo Bomb: 12/31/07 Status: Reconciled 1/2009 but backsliding terribly right now