Trying to let go........with love!

[sandycay]

Hey SC,

Check my thread for my horrible update.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, MWG!

Actually S17 doesn't much want to be around H anymore. It seemed like they were getting along better, but now after this.....we'll see.

In the beginning of the sitch, they were buddies, until H fell off his pedestal........

And, yes, dealing with two juvenile delinquents (both of whom think they know everything!!!) is a real pain!!!

But, I love them both!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, sandycay!

Yes, I saw your thread and posted as soon as I saw it. I also sent you a regular e-mail......

Hang in there!!

[[[[hugs]]]]

[Silent Chrleader]

OK, somebody tie me down!! I want so bad to call the co-worker that set my H up with her sister and tell her to back off!! This is a woman who I have met several times and had good conversations with. He father was a minister in the church that I grew up in (which is a very small clannish non-denominational one so it's like we were immediately related somehow).

Her husband also worked for my H briefly to help out while he was laid off from his normal job, so there is a connection there too. H refers to this co-worker as his "little sister" because she is very petite, but she is older than H.

This co-worker is the one that told the corporate CEO that she would never forgive him or respect him again because he had an affair, and eventually left his wife of 20+ and married the OW, who happened to be a corworker too. So, I know she has no idea that H had an affair with the secretary.

I don't want to call in a mean way. I would just like to tell her that H is going through a confusing time now and to please not help him cloud things in that fashion! I know she just thinks that we "grew apart" and are "amicably going our seperate ways" and that H is such a great guy, and her sister needs someone like him........

I know I can't call!!! But it's freakin' tearing me up!!!!

[yellowrose]

SC

Okay, I've go the rope!!! Don't call, it would just make things worse. I know how you feel though. Maybe her sister will realise that your H is M and back off. Really there is nothing that you can do right now and maybe your H will have a little sense also and not go out with her. Does this make any sense???

Y

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, [[[[[YR]]]]], for being the proverbial angel on my shoulder!

Actually I know that to him it makes perfect sense. Since we are seperated, and he has said he wants a D, in his mind he is free to do what he wants.

He is very close with this co-worker and her husband, so this would make a very cosy little foursome. And she knows we are seperated, not divorced, and tried to set him up with the sister pretty much immediately upon hearing about it. So, I'm thinking the sister know his M status and is fine with it......although I know they don't know of the affair and I know co-worker would NOT appreciate that! But, H will never tell anybody that. That would ruin his image.

H is very much a workaholic now, so this tie in with his real mistress (i.e. his job) would very much appeal to him. He would very much like to just go off happily to live his new sophisticated prestigious affluent life.

And then with the issues recently with S17......H told me on the phone that he is just so full right now......and yet he has time for a "wonderful weekend" with his new life companions!! And hastn't done ANY work on the house, although he says that's what he doing this weekend.

I didn't voice any of this to him. I was happy and upbeat and when he told me about the party, I just said "Well, I'm glad you had a good time." He didn't even ask me about my weekend and he knew I was going dancing on Friday. I thought about telling him I had a good time too and that I even slow danced! But, I didn't.......I thought that would just come off as tit-for-tat pathetic.

I just wish I could choose to turn off my emotions the way he can. This really hurts! Even though I know I don't want the person he is right now, it really really hurts!

[dl443322]

Oh S, this must be so hard for you. But really, dont call. It is not a good idea. If your h finds out, he will be very angry. I know he acts like a teenager, but he is a grown man and you cant interfere with his life.

Hard as it is, you have to let this one go. All part of the journey. You cant stop him from seeing who he wants. If not her, it might be someone else.

Sorry this is so hard. It just sucks all the way around.

[Silent Chrleader]

[[[[[BM]]]]]

I know, BM, I know I can't call. I don't know of what I could say that wouldn't be pathetic and needy, and that's not who I want to be.

I know that he has to "explore" and I know that no one will ever love him like I do. I have to trust that he will figure that out, and if he doesn't I have to love him enough to let him go. I know this. I really do.

Even I have gone out and socialized with other men, like when I went dancing Friday night.

But today, it just hurts.

[glamgirl]

First of all SC you are asking way to many questions to your h. Then when you get info you are disappointed and upset. I know you know this, but that is why you back away and take care of you.

It doesn't matter what you think or what you would like your h to do, he will do whatever HE wants. That's the hard part.

If we could only shake some sense into them. As far as the house and loosing it, men are not emotional nor are most tied to any property. Meaning, it's a business transaction.

Now dust yourself off and think about what plans YOU have!

[Silent Chrleader]

OUCH!!!

UNCLE, ALREADY!!!!

Thanks, [[[[[[Glam]]]]]]!!