T24now, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm wondering if I should even make this post--as I think I'm running out of patience.


I have been trying to figure out exactly what I want to say before bringing up the whole subject.

Soooo...this morning on my way to work, I left him a voicemail. I didn't blast him or anything.

I told him that I'm very upset about the PO Box business thing and I had some questions to ask of him.

1. We have discussed many times during this separation how important it is to both of us to consult with each other and make decisions together. I have been making great effort to remember to consult with him about day-to-day things. I asked if there was a double-standard here. Am I the only one expected to follow our agreement?

2. I asked how he suggests that I handle it if I believe we have discussed a matter, come to an agreement, and then he acts outside of the agreement? When he and I agree to something, I feel that I have committed to something. I wouldn't renig on that committment without discussing it with him.

I once suggested that as we were discussing the things we both wanted addressed in this reconcilliation, that we write things down as we came to agreement on each area. He hit the ceiling when I suggested that--sarcastically saying he wanted a lawyer to represent him and penalties built in for any "breach of contract".

I asked how HE thought I should handle situations when I feel that he's breaking an agreement we made.

3. I asked if he honestly believed that my objections to his keeping everything separate is unreasonable.

If he asked 1000 married women how they would feel about their husbands keeping separate bank accounts, separate credit cards, separate cell phone bills, and separate PO boxes--what did he think they'd say?

If he asked them how they felt about such separate everything after their husbands had cheated on them--what did he think they'd say?

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T2fornow, I am very close to the point of giving up on this R right now.

I have fought for it, worked for it, changed for it....
but I do have some bottom lines and self-respect. I don't want to be in a relationship with a partner that is half-a$$ing it with me. I don't want to be in a R in which I am treated disrespectfully or treated like a doormat.

I have told him repeatedly that I would rather be alone than go back to the way things were before the bomb. I've also told him that if he pushed my patience to far, that he wouldn't have a home or an R to come back to.

I love Wolfie. I want our R to work, but not at ANY cost. He's had 8 months of living apart, therapy, couple's counseling. If he wants to live alone, be a "self-contained unit", have no-one to "answer to"--then I think he should go do that. I honestly want him to be happy, and I've told him many times that if being alone or with someone else is what will make him happy--then I want him to go do that.

He can't have it both ways, though. I think it's time for him to start doing more of the peddling on this bicycle-built-for-two.....or get off.