Oh yes, the infamous P O Box. That's where a good part of my H's mail has been sent for years. Some of his bills etc came here...some to the company P O Box like the tell tale cell phone bill, the buy my hussy a few hours in a motel credit card bill, things like that.
In the past, during Reconciliation #1 and I think, early in this one I mentioned that if he ever comes home...ALL MAIL and BILLs must come to this house. NO MORE 'secret life' no more "hiding places"....everything has to be out in the open and available to ME. When H came home last Nov. he made absolutely NO attempt to meet that request...I know now, whether he knew it or not, that he was planning to run again, from the first day he moved back in.
This time, IF he comes home I will want his change of address to this house BEFORE he moves back in. This time, I won't accept promises he doesn't intend to commit to because I see those as an 'escape plan' mentality.
The last 'coming home' mentioned between he and I, took place about two or three weeks ago when we discussed my discomfort with his renting a room at a woman's house. He said, "I don't know if I'll move home, but I'll move out by the end of September and get another place if that's what you need me to do so you won't worry about it." I responded by saying, "You don't have to move, I'm just voicing my feelings about it. Anywhere you live, if not here, will cause me the same fear, so there's no reason for you to move, it's something I have to deal with."
It's frustrating for me and I guess you, that as we are making headway in our reconciliation the fact that they remain living elsewhere keeps that impending sense of hopelessness alive.
I know that I resent the fact that while he continues to have his 'own' place, it means that he doesn't have to deal with me or our issues on a regular basis like any REAL married couple do. Hs & Ws can't/don't just run off to different houses everytime there's strife in their marriages and yet, here we are waiting for THEM to decide when it's safe for THEM to come home.
That frustration, and the seeming inequity of the power they have in that decision, thwarts my ability to love him freely and willingly when the end result of this back and forth is still so 'up in the air.' T2
