It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, sandycay!!

I'm really sorry you are hurting today!! I think it's something in the karma, because I am feeling crappy myself!

FWIW, I will share my thoughts.....:

.... J the other guy (married) said something to the effect of "I just want to go hang out or talk to other women" and my H said some thing to the effect of "me too". There were missed words in both of the phrases that came out of there mouths but that was the jist.

This does sound to me like juvenile male BS. They think it means nothing, and it probably doesn't, but I understand your concern given your H's recent history. It make you feel like he is treating a very harmful subject very cavalierly and that's scary. But, remember who he is talking to. Guys are not going to discuss Real Feelings with each other!!! That's major taboo!!

.... I feel this is BS and if he hadn't got caught he might have gone out flirting with OW.

Well, unfortunately we can't convict on what might have
happened........case in point.....Iraq!

.... 2nd thing I heard was them talking about an affair at their work place and my H says "well she's not that cute anyway, certainly not cute enough to ruin a marriage, there are plenty of cuter girls in that office". .......Just kept saying I must have missed everything he was saying..........
Again this is not what I would expect my H to say in response to an affair at his workplace.

Again, yes this sounds a bit cavalier for a guy with his recent history, but remember who he is talking to.....another juvenile delinquent man!

....Here is the last one....H then started saying something about how he had F&cked up his life and that she hurt and messed him up worse than anyone ever had. He then said and I quote " What did I do? I ran home like a f*ucking P*ssy. Because I was hurting and didn't know what else to do. Man, just like a f*cking p*ssy.

OK, Youch!!!...... But this is not uncommon at all for an man who had an affair, especially an MLCer (which I suspect your H is). Yellowrose is a veteran on these boards who was seperated from her H 3 years (he lived with OW for 2 yrs), and they have made it through to the other side and now have a great M. Her H did not even say ILY to here until a year after he came home, and he only recently put his ring back on. Even after he was back home, he would voice guilt about how he left the OW!!!

This is a normal, if painful, process. It does NOT mean your H doesn't love you or is not committed to re-building a M with you. It is all just part of the grab bag of emotions and thoughts he has inside him that will take time to work through. The key is understanding and patience!! [And believe me, I know how very tough that is!!!! I fall short a LOT!!!]

....... says he doesn't miss "her" he misses that feeling. That excitement.

Of course he does! He's human!

....... He still wants us. He says it's getting better.

Hang on to this!!!

....... He has denied (lied) that it had anything to do with her.

Of course he does this because he is afraid of hurting you, and/or losing you! He needs you to show him that you can handle his honesty even if it is hurtful......it's tough situations like this one where you have the opportunity to show him this.

.......what else evidence do I need that he is acting inappropriately when he is not here....... I will add that in his conversation about OW to this guy he did insinuate that there had been no contact.

I don't think this is evidence of "acting" inappropriately. It is concerning and worth discussion given the history, mostly because, he is holding these feelings in and not sharing them, and that will not aid either of you in building an open fulfilling connected R.

Remember, it took a long time and a lot of different things on both side to break apart your M.....it will take a long time and a lot of effort to put it together again.

But it's worth the effort, and I really think you will make it!!! Show him what a warm strong compassionate friend he has in you!! He needs you!!

JMHO......

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