I was hoping someone could help me with this...

[Trixi]

Thanks for swinging by my thread Vollydog. I have actually been following yours, but haven't felt I had anything to offer.

Having said that:

I decided to ask her if she wanted me and the kids to take her out for dinner and I was surprised when she said yes.

Excellent!

Sometimes I think this whole "babystep" concept, standing for the marriage, etc, can create a bit of a codependent/acoa dynamic for the LBS. In fact, I think the main "rules" of an alcoholic household are "Don't Talk, Don't Trust, Don't Feel", right? And we are not supposed to let the WAS know how we feel (pressure), not supposed to talk about the R (pressure) and should believe none of what we hear and 1/2 of what we see. (I am working this out in my brain as I type this, so it may seem rambling or disjointed.) Plus, we have to be very aware of 'what is working and what is not working' and adjust accordingly..does that mean it's manipulation?

Okay. So, how do we save ourselves from essentially ending up in a situation that is quite similar to living with an addict? I guess THAT is where the GAL is SO important. .... hmmm...but we are still "supposed" to be watching for these signs, etc.... I wonder if most (if not all) LBS might not benefit from attending Al-Anon meetings in order to learn loving detachment? Is that something you might want to do?