Trying to let go........with love!

[Silent Chrleader]

I just spent some time on the phone with H. Talking about the finances. The house isn't worth what we owe now because of the drop in the market. May need to file bankruptcy. We're going to see a lawyer for advice on that. I told him it was sad, and he said that it would have happened probably even if we had stayed together. I said I knew he wasn't senitmental about stuff like that, but I am. He said he understood, but he was sentimental about S17 and that is what counts, and I said I wholeheartedly agreed to that one.

I asked if he had a nice weekend. He said he did and was at co-workers party until past midnight. I asked if a lot of people were there, and he said "several couples there". So, I asked if he felt out of place, and he said "no, why?". I said "Because you are a single amongst couples" and he said "Well there were others there." So, I said "So, co-worker finally got to fix you up with her sister, huh?". His reply was "Well, I've met her. We have a lot of commonalities." I feel like I'm going to be sick! I'm sitting here at my desk trying not to cry.

I held it together on the phone with him though. I didn't let him know it bothered me, although he knows me well enough that he may have sensed it. I asked him how Sunday went (He went to an Oscar Wilde play that his new best friend's wife was in). He said it was fabulous and they all went out with the cast afterward. He said most of them were gay, but he way OK with that. This is a reference to how, in the beginning of our marriage, he, like most men, was very homophobic, but I have a sister who is gay and that is a big issue with me. Over the course of our life together, he came to be much more understanding and tolerant of differences in people.

Feeling very depressed now.....