Ok...note to self: stop placing so much emphasis in what H SAYS and what I'd like to HEAR. He's a man. He's less verbal than I am. What am I being told in NONVERBAL ways?
1. He's spending nearly ever free minute with me when he's not working or sleeping. 2. His body language and the way he smiles at me tells me that he's feeling happy and content in a way that I haven't really seen for years. 3. He brings me small, considerate gifts and does small considerate things for me. 4. There is MUCH more physical affection/inimacy than in the past few years. 5. He may not SAY he scared himself by almost losing me, and is grateful that I didn't give up on him, but sometimes he wraps himself around me and holds me for a long time and I think he's expressing all of that without words.
I have to keep my perspective on the 5LL concept and remember that gender does definatly play a part.
If I'm looking for what I'd like to hear, I will often be dissappointed. If I'm looking for all the ways that I'm told things in a nonverbal way, there is plenty to see.
Anyway, yes--Pam, his temper does intimidate me even though I have one of my own. Wolfie is Viet Nam vet & Desert Storm vet, did the Navy Seal thing for awhile and is also a big guy--6'3" and about 250 lbs.
I was physically and emotionally abused in childhood and in my first marraige.
Wolfie admits to using his temper to control me, i.e. slamming doors, punching walls, yelling. It's never anything extreme, just enough of a "back off" signal to stop me in my tracks.
Funny though, I've never actually been afraid that he'd ever hit me, no matter how mad he is. Still, there is the slightest insinuation of that threat (as he pointed out to me recently).
We both know he never would lay a hand to me as it would be the LAST thing he'd ever do....
