Still live by those words. DDay, it is unbelievable how i feel. I actually love my W more today. i am traveling next week. when I used to travel, what got me thru was calling her each night before I went to bed and each morning when I woke up. Don't have that now. But something that small and seemingly insignificant was a big part of my life.
I am very concerned about her well-being right now, more that her coming back to me. She is on a very bad path and is headed for a collision course with a disaster. I am prayting harder for Him to watch out for her, not brining her back to me. I am very worried and scared for her. She is oblivious to what I see, what others see. Her friends are concerned about her drinking, yet they go out for cocktails, and drink whenever they are together. She dropped off her friends keys last night because she left them at my house. her friend called me because I am going over for coffee after work. I said, did you get your keys, she said yeah. She said we just sat and talked had a couple of Captains and she left. She is drinking more i believe because the issues are not going away and her life is getting worse. She is running big time.
I think she was uncomfortable in the house when she came back and she saw her son and daughter leaving within minutes of her coming back. I think she was uncomfortable watching the movie and not really being part of her mother and my conversations. I think when she was leaving, it had to have hurt her to leave what was her home. To go to her one room, and be alone. Broke her mothers heart. \breaks mine everytime, but I did not choose this for her, her mother did not choose this for her, my kids did not choose this for her, she did. She walked to find the happiness she says she hasn't had in years. Well if happiness is drinking whenever you want and not having to be resposnsbile for your kids, home and life, then she has found it. I see an early grave at the end of this "happiness". I pray to God to watch over her and protect and help her find whatever it is I could not give her. My life is fgood, she could help make it great, but I will also do that without her.
