Read other posters posts. Identify with others, form friendships and a support group here. You get that by posting to others, they usually post to you. Trapt, Jeff, Jimbo are realtively new and good guys, usually better to find others close to your time here as well.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Thanks for the kind offer, this weekend was pretty tipical, my wife stayed on the run all day long then comes home at night and we sit in silence until she goes to bed. What a life!
So, Hows about you taking off and do something fun just for you. Let her sit in silence by herself. It's difficult at first but get the hell out of the house, even if you don't feel like it. You have to focus on YOU now. It sucks and it takes a lot of time but you will get there. Go read ral's post from today, He hit the nail on the head.
I have tried, I have taken several long weekend trips with friends. I end up spending way too much time wondering what she is doing and more importantly, who she is with. I have no proof that their is someone else and she says their is not but I just have that feeling. Maybe it's just fear of the fact that it would be a whole new level of pain to have to deal with. She is so bitter, she blames all of the pain and confusion she is dealing with on our relationship, mostly me. Although it all gets directed at me. On the posive side of things, with her staying gone so much, it has really made me and my youngest daughter really close since we end up spending so much time together.
The wondering is normal, the more you focus on improving you, the less wondering you will do. It takes time. Now listen, as of right now who knows about "somebody else." It happens here sometimes. If you are ever hit with a bomb like that or about something else, DO NOT react or confront right away. ALWAYS take a few days to think things through and cool off.
The only person you have ever had control over is you. This crap sucks, I know, but there really is nothing you can say to her at this time. So use this time to improve you. When you change permanently for YOU, she will notice, I don't care how she acts or what she says, she WILL notice. The same thing has happened with my children too. You be their rock, they need you now more than ever. I think it is excellent that you are becoming closer, keep your focus on your kids and you.
One last thing, Your w knows you better than anyone. You have to try your best not to let her see you negative, bothered, angry, whatever. Positivity ONLY when she is around. If you have to have one of those "moments," which btw are totally normal and healthy, do it by yourself.
Although I have gotten closer with my youngest D9, it seems like I'm getting more distant from my oldest D17, she is becoming more selfish, like her Mother and probably closer to to her as long as she keeps buying her cloths and giving her money. Of coarse now they were each others cloths so I guess they serve a dual purpose. I admit, I have had a very tough putting a fake smile on with how she has been treating me but I will give it a valient effort. Thanks for the advise.
Trapt is right keep busy and don't dwell (it's hard to do at first)and please please don't snoop or spy it will only drive you crazy. I did once and found an e-mail I can't get out of my head. Be consistantly positive, even if you feel like crap. If you are consistant she will notice.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I know that's the right thing to do, not to dwell or snoop but it's SOOOOOOOO hard not to. Your survival instincts kick in and you try and prepare yourself for the pain you might be about to receive. I really don't snoop at all but I do get upset when she only tells me bits & pieces of where she is going and what she is doing, especially when she gets all fixed and dressed up in her teenager clothes and takes off without her wedding ring on. This weekend was really bad, except to argue, we hardly spoke at all. I alomst don't want to let my kids go with their friends just so I don't have to sit in silience with her. It makes you feel like you are going out of your mind.
