So, my exercises this week include a)what I want in my life to be happy b) what I want in my relationship (with anyone)to be happy c) what I am afraid of in regards to the R with my H and d) what positives I see in him.
I will leave out the happy life part which I guess is what we all want like health, laughter, less stress, love, appreciation, friends, learning new things, raise confident kids, personal time, risk etc, etc...
In my relationship I need the following: Love and warmth, the feeling that I am not alone in this world Conversation Brain stimulation Make me want to become a better person/woman Appreciation expressed with words, gestures etc. Sexual desire, feel wanted and safe to experiment and enjoy sex Safety, security not only meaning to not be constantly worried he is walking out the door but also feel that my SO is on my team, my friend, wants the best for me, that I can relax,take a break and I can be sure he will be there to step up and help me Honesty from him and the "space" to be honest myself, BE myself while with him Pursue personal ambitions but also have some common goals, dreams etc Laughter and humor Respect Support and encouragement, interest in me, my work, my days, my nights, my feelings, my thoughts...
What I am afraid of in relation to H That he has no idea how all this affected me and consequently will not make efforts to "make it better" That in order for this new R to last, I would have to again accept the absolute minimum (in various areas : companionship, time, desire, words etc ) That he sees me as the mother of his children not as a woman That I will never feel safe again That living with him will mean a lonely life That he cant treat me as if I am his gift, with appreciation That his is not willing to act and therefore I will again have to resume past duties which will burden me very much That a relationship with him will limit me and my dreams That his return wasn't conscious, could be the result of an other relationship failing or because of the sense of family he has and missed That he could again do the same easier than before (walk out at hard times) That I will not be able to love him connect with him the way I should.
My list of positives is very short: appearance, humor, our past, financially sensible (doesn't overspend) honorable, doesn't gossip and 3-4 things that I used to believe about him but not anymore: honesty, respect towards people, sensitivity.
So, these are what I am planning to give our C and she intents to discuss these with us. I am sure my way of thinking is common but I wanted to post here and hear your suggestions or ideas if you have any. My first instinct was to lie so I wouldn't hurt him but I can't do that. I never have and I will certainly not do it now. God, the fears really look bad, dont they? Anyway they are what they are, xxxx K
