My worst fears confirmed! Wife having EA/PA...

[MrBond]

Sure Mel. The book is by Dr. James Dobson. He's a Christian writer and I'm not Christian, but his ideas are sound. His thing is that if someone is in an A, you set boundaries that you will not tolerate a certain behavior and let the person go.

When you detach in that manner, the WAS finds out that they have nothing holding them back and no one else to blame for their problems but themselves. This is just like Michele's idea of GAL. The WAS soon starts to wonder about the LBS and may or may not be attracted back.

But the thing is that when you establish that boundary, you are getting back the control in your life. It is a great read and if you can get a used copy, go ahead and check it out.

One thing about A in regards to PDT. I agree that there are no excuses for them, however the LBS sometimes feel that they are entitled to an A because of what they were lacking in their R. Not saying that's right, it's a matter of perspective. How many WASs would tell us that they would never cheat and lie right to the LBS's face saying that they aren't cheating. In their mind, they are not only fulfilling a need that they "believe" that they can get nowhere else, but they believe they have a right to it.

Many of our WASs leave and never come back because: 1) they are stuck in the loop of believing that they will never get their needs met in the old R, 2) they were "trapped" in their old R and so the best solution is to wipe the slate clean with a new R, 3) they are lazy and don't want to do "work" because love shouldn't be hard and 4) they suffer from low self-esteem and need to be constantly validated for their actions by the OP. The low self-esteem is the reason why many blame their LBS for their troubles. It's too embarrassing and shameful to think that they had a part in doing it themselves.