OK, after hearing Poe's suggestion to give the benefit of the doubt (maybe I heard agreement and H did not) I decided to approach it in that light. Had lunch today with H. I told him that I was confused because I thought we'd had a detailed discussion re household situation and he had stated that he would make the move before youngest son went back to school. I said I thought we'd both felt that we had met half-way and had made an agreement.
He said yes, he'd thought we had too, but for some reason he'd thought that youngest son didn't go back to high school until the end of September like when the College Quarter starts.
Ok---we've put four kids through high school, and EVERY year the school year starts within a day or two after Labor Day. Furthermore, as H was giving me his "explanation" he was stuttering and avoiding my eyes. When he did look me in the eye, I'm sorry to say, I KNEW he was being untruthful and he KNEW that I knew that he was being untruthful. There was an ackward silence for quite a few minutes, then he changed the subject.
I'm so discouraged and saddened. After all of the talk about how we need to clearly communicate and give each other the opportunity to know what we are asking for...
I rarely ask for much from my H. I have been "trained" to expect that, even if I am being VERY reasonable in what I request: 1. H will go into "rebellious" teenager mode...and behave as though I am out of line to request anything. 2. Negotiate a compromise or agreement with me, then not follow through or half-a$$ it. 3. Occassionally--he will say my request is reasonable, make an agreement and follow through.
I understand what Brian is saying about making the distinctions about trust. If I agree to something important with my H, I take the commitment seriously and follow through. If for some reason I can't follow through, I discuss it with him. To me that is having integrity and commitment.
If I voilated committments to my H in areas like paying the bills or something else that he depended on me to do, how could he trust me to keep my committments on something like fidelity?
I don't feel like I can discuss this topic any further right now with H. What would I do, tell him that I believe he's being untruthful as well as breaking agreements?
I guess the only constructive thing I really can do is wait for the next time he makes an agreement with me and follows through, I can make a big deal out of letting him know how important that is and show appeciation.
Other than that, I don't know what else to do but look at this behaviour in the context of the Serinity Prayer.
