Excellent letter. Just wanted to bounce something off you, and it's a minor thing. The word "trust", as you're using it, has several meanings, and I'm concerned that the distinction between them is being a little blurred. One way is, trusting that you are committed to me and to me alone (fidelity). It's the most fundamental form of trust in the R. The second way you're using it is, trusting that you will do what you have said that you would do (dependability).
These two forms of trust are related (strongly), but they're not exactly the same, are they? I'm not sure that you should lump them together in the letter. Yes, his infidelity was a "gross betrayal" of your trust. But you have issues with his dependability in general, no? And that's really the issue here, not so much questions about his fidelity. So maybe it would be good to distinguish between them in the letter. He maybe doesn't realize that his dependability would help you not just on that level, but also with lingering questions about his fidelity.
Again, it's just a nitpicking little quibble (and let me know if you think I'm way off base). You certainly aren't hammering him about the A. Overall, I think it's a strong, well-written, fair letter. It describes the problem, doesn't accuse unfairly, identifies a specific solution in a respectful way, and identifies the benefit (increasing your trust in him) of solving the problem, thus providing motivation. It'll be interesting to hear how he responds.
Specifically, here are some possible suggestions: change
Quote: You stated to me in your letter that you felt you had committed a gross betrayal of my trust, and that it was important to you to regain my trust. Along those lines, I want to point out something that I have often perceived as a pattern that has led to distrust on my part.
to something like,
Quote: You stated to me in your letter that you felt that it was important to you to regain my trust. I need to be able to trust both in your faithfulness and in your dependability - saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. Along those lines, I want to point out something that I have often perceived as a pattern that has led to my not being able to trust in your dependability.
Then, instead of,
Quote: I am not going to minimize that trust is a big issue between us right now. There has been a major breach of my trust and broken agreements and promises. In order to do the work we need to do, credibility and trust is important.
perhaps:
Quote: As you know, trust is a big issue for me right now. There has been a major breach of my trust and also other broken agreements and promises. In order to do the work we need to do, credibility and trust is important. Your being dependable will help me to be able to trust both in your specific promises and also, more generally, in your faithfulness.
