Hi Jon, I am one of those women you don't like. You know, the one that has an EA and talks to OM, etc. Anyway, all that is behind me now, but what I would like to ask you is, why do you think that your W turned to talking to another man? Why would she get her kicks talking dirty to him? Is that something that fits her personality or something that is not her at all? Do the two of you look at porn together? If it is not something that would seem to fit anywhere, then I think you need to ask why she turned to another man. I don't believe women turn to other men for no reason. I am not saying they have a "right" reason to turn to OM. Please understand that. But, in the woman's mind, she is unhappy about something in her life if she begins having an EA with another man. If it was just dirty talk, then that goes back to what I first asked, if it was more like an EA, then it goes to this last part. Something tells me it wasn't all her fault and maybe I feel that way b/c of the shoes I've worn, but I just wondered how the M was before this happened.
I am concerned that if you believe it is over or if nothing happened but dirty talk....why you can't get over it and why you would stoop to calling her names. You see how many times this has been brought up and I'm sure it is beginning to rub a sore place with you, but think how she feels everytime you bring up about the OM and you won't drop it.
If an A would be a deal breaker, then don't do like the woman's H did when she finally told him the truth b/c he wouldn't drop it and then leave her. Either accept what she says for the truth and both of you start over in your M with a beginner's mind like the DR book teaches, or get anger mangement for yourself b/c trust me, you are going to ruin it without the question of her ever having an A or not.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
