DA Club II

[silvagod]

IBut XW can sense when I detach and can play the d5 card.

That's harsh CZ. Well at least you get to talk to D5

Stick at it buddy. Don't follow MY lead though, see below

The more I have read the DB and DR books (got them in the post 2 days ago), the more I realise how badly I have done

Begged, yep
Pleaded, yep
Cried, yep at first and then last week
Showed photos of happy times, yep
Pursued via contact, yep
Constant R talk, yep

There's no bloomin wonder she's had enough of me.
BTW, that is all over the last 5 months, not just recently.

W still tells me I appear needy, not just FOR her but for support and assistance. Well, I gotta agree with her there, as I have a LOT of crap going on with the bankruptcy and the car being repo'd, the knocks on the door etc etc. W is just sitting pretty in her new little house with no worries. Damn right I need someone to talk to. Problem is, I have ONLY JUST realised that she is the WRONG person to talk to <face palm>. That's waht she ran away from as well as me.

Soooooo, I will now become Mr Aloof. Talk to others and NOT her and see where that goes. At least I won't get grief of others the same as I get off her and that will be good for me.

Apologies to all other DA members for my lack of style in dealing with my own sitch. I hereby promise to make amends, and I NEVER break promises.

[cz946]

Thanks for the comments silvagod.

Don't get down on yourself. I have made all the same mistakes as well, even after readiing DR. I find now that the my mistakes are not as often now.

Begged, Did that!
Pleaded, Did that!
Cried, Did that
Showed photos of happy times, Did that!
Pursued via contact, Did that!
Constant R talk, Did that!

My XW called my cell about an hour ago. I didn't answer, I'm in a meeting. She didn't leave a message. No message, so I'm not going to call her back.

Detaching!!!!

'

[Startingover2]

don't beat yourself up Silva. Doing the 180 on a person you love and cherish is tough. That is the last person we should be doing the 180 with. Their feelings may have changed, but ours didn't. We are now in protection mode.

[silvagod]

LOL,

Well what a pair we are CZ

Onwards and upwards!!

[JDOllie]

When do you have kids? If you truly wish to detach, I would tell D5, "We'll eat dinner when I have you, and we'll go to such and such a yummy place."

My W used to invite me all the time, but I have the sneaking suspicion that it was because I paid for dinner!

[cz946]

XW just called and asked me if I wanted to meet for dinner. I left my glasses at her house Sunday morning. So she called to ask if I want to meet her for dinner to give them to me.

JD, I know your right, but so far its easier said than done for me. I haven't reached the point where you are yet. I can tell you that xw either buys or we split it.

I want to detach becuase I want her to feel what the d is all about, but she has also told me that she d me cause she thought I would abandon her and d her first. So I walk a fine line. I want her to see the improvements as a person I have made, but I also don't want her to think she can have the best of both worlds.

[pearlharbr]

Does this count as day 3 of NC? xBF texted to ask if he could come over to pick up some things. (I only packed him one work outfit so I was expecting this.) I waited about 3.5 hours to text back sorry, I didn't see msg until now, tonight is ok between 7 and 9. I should be out the door before he gets here.

I haven't had the tightness in my chest today so I think I'm a tiny bit better. I did go see C and cried a lot in the retelling of the kicking out, but that was to be expected. Hopefully I will be able to relax at yoga tonight and not focus on what xBF is taking from house.

[Startingover2]

Ok, do I keep detaching? More in my thread but exh is out of town with a possibly dying or at the very least very sick exbil. I am sure he is in contact with OW. He doesn't even know I know. He did send a text tonight saying he would contact when he got back into town. I just said HUH (like I didn't know) and he responded with "I will let you know when I get back". Obviously he doesn't want/need my support.

[theotherhalf]

anyone that has read my thread this weekend knows that I fell of the NC wagon. H let something slip and I knew right away he had been in contact with OW. Then checked his phone and he has talked to her for a total of over 3hrs in just a couple days. Lost it!!!Did my spewing. Did my crying. Now back to NC. Maybe even dark this time. Won't help the R. I know that. But there comes a time when enough is enough and I have to move forward.

[pearlharbr]

TOH,

I will try to catch up on your sitch later today. Just wanted to let you know that I totally understand where you're coming from. Seeing BF's email with OW sent me over the edge and I kicked him out. That was when enough was enough for me. Now I'm going dark.

The only reason I have to contact him right now is regarding transferring money into my account. I figure I can wait on that until next week. BF will be out of town skiing with his brother and sil (and probably OW now) tomorrow through Sunday. So I'm looking at NC except for notes exchanged last night for a solid week. Hopefully at the end of that time I will feel more detached.