I know Mishka! But I don't think I'm really assuming. If she wanted to do it, it would have happened already. I have to think that if a spouse gave you that letter, and you really cared, you would have said or done something in two months.
She could be dragging her feet cuz she's scared of what you'll say. Or because she's scared to change. Or maybe cuz she doesn't think things are as bad as you think they are.
It doesn't mean you rate below mopping the floor. (Quilting maybe, that's at least fun though! )
(((Jeff)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
The only thing I don't like about you asking her to re-read the letter is that it may give her the chance to opt out of counselling. Why go back? She read the letter and responded. Where will you go from here?
(((((Michelle))))) I think I will ask her to read it again, and to really respond. Or to give me a date for C, if she wants to do that. But make it more closed ended than it is now.
I talked to W more tonight. I asked her if she wanted to say anything else about the letter, she said she didn't want to except with a C. Then we talked about getting her schedule, I think she realizes that she has it prioritized below a lot of other things. I told her next week was bad because I will be going to visit my uncle and mom, and I don't know when yet. She looked at her schedule for the next week, and it is legitimately full. And that's completes the month's schedule we were are on. (Which means that she has had it for almost three weeks, and has not tried to do anything about arranging time for MC). As we talked more I think it became clear to her that the finances can work, and as soon as that hit her, it became clear that that is the way she wants to go. And, at this point, I don't think that is going to change.
She talked about where she wants to live, it is in the same school district, but the Middle School is supposed to be better than the one where we are now. And the High School that S14 will be attending next year is closer. And there are more parks, shops, pools, and other things nearby. And most likely more kids. So, it would be a good place for the kids to spend most of their time. She'd like to have them most of the time during the week, as she is happier with the way she handles school work with them. We'd split up weekends and vacations, we didn't talk too much about those details. She pulled a number out of the air for child support that matches up pretty well with what I was thinking. Anyway, if this happens she wants to be moved by the middle of July, so that S11 can start at the "new" middle school, rather than changing during the school year.
Then we talked about "stuff" and splitting it up. I'm sure there will be conflicts, but in general, it isn't going to be ugly. We both are not looking forward to telling the kids, but we also think that staying calm and civil won't hurt. I know the older two won't be shocked, I think S14 won't be surprised, and I imagine even S11 won't be really surprised, at some level. Still no fun. She wants things to go quick and smooth once they start, she also doesn't want to upset her parents. Her brother and sister have both had messy D situations, we outlasted both of them, if that means anything! I don't think we will have anywhere near the drama they did. I said that I would still like to invite her parents over for dinner some weekends when I had the kids. She said she thought they would like that. We even talked about having Christmas together. Even after there were potential significant others. We said that she would come and stay in the guestroom Christmas Eve so that we could still have Christmas with the kids and their mom and dad. And that SO's would be welcome to participate, or not, as they saw fit.
We are still going to go to C, and maybe there will still be a surprise to the story. But I think it is going to have more to do with how to deal with the kids, and things like that than trying to mend this M. I'm sad on the one hand, but I am relieved on the other. I guess that isn't surprising.
Oh, and I was wrong! I told her about the taxes (S19's tuition helped by $500 or so), and she took it pretty well. So that was a good thing. She was surprised, but then again, so was I. I told her I still hoped that I was missing something, and that it wasn't that bad, but she accepted it, anyway.
I guess that this sort of proved that the reason she has been "content" is that it is financially secure. I was not shocked that this was the case, in the least.
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