In a wierd way, I almost wish my H had a skanky OW because I could at least understand that and would know it would never last.
My H's PA only lasted supposedly the one night, and the OW is now with another boyfriend. H told me the night I found out about the PA that he would still be with her, but she wanted more kids and he didn't (although he has since amended his story to say that they both realized quickly that it was a mistake and it was just "two hurting best friends consoling each other".)
My H candidly says he doesn't know what he wants, he just knows that he doesn't want me! And now he every time we even talk, he is cold and distant because he says even being kind leads me on......
I'm betting he won't file for D until he meets someone, because he will lose money from his retirement when he is no longer "married". So after the financial stuff is stable (i.e. the house(s) either sold or rented) I probably won't hear from him at all, and then one day I be served with the papers.....
I know this is all "future fu**ing" and I really try not to think about it, and just take one day at a time......but this fear is still in the back of my mind.....
Last edited by Silent Chrleader; 01/26/0906:51 PM.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Most of them do have ow's but not all of them. That doesn't mean that they are any less confused and traveling down the tunnel of the lost.
Your H still needs to make this trip. I wouldn't worry about D. He says those things to you because he truly believes them right now. Things will change.
......doesn't mean that they are any less confused and traveling down the tunnel of the lost.
Your H still needs to make this trip. I wouldn't worry about D. He says those things to you because he truly believes them right now. Things will change....
I know you are right, YR, and I am actually doing much better at the letting go. The man my H is now is not somebody I even want to be around.
What I struggle with now is anger. I struggle with holding back and not letting my anger show. In some ways it feels good to feel anger instead of the excruciating pain and loss. Sometimes I rationalize with myself that I can let my anger show because that will show him I am really detaching and he is in danger of losing me. But I know this is just a part of the process and I don't want to say something I will regret.
And I try to keep in mind that I still believe that inside him is the man I still love and always will, and if I speak in anger, the one hurt is that one, not the arrogant jack a** that inhabits his body right now.
I do miss him.....but I am doing very well on the whole.
[[[[[[[[[[YR]]]]]]]]]]
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Believe me I was angry too and let it show in the beginning. I had to bite my tongue so many times when he was around that it's a wonder I still have one. It seemed when the anger came out it pushed him farther away. So my C told me just to punch a pillow or if I was by myself just to yell to get it out. Also journaling helped me quite a bit.
I know your H is in there somewhere. He is deep within himself right now. Those feelings for you and your life together are buried way down. Time and alot of patience is the key to all of this. You are doing well!!!!
