Wayward Wife/MLC or Just Bad Behavior

[fitzge]

Here is the tale. I've been married for a long time. WW has pulled this stunt twice. About 10 years ago, she took one of my daughters out of state for an abortion. That procedure resulted in daughter spending 6 weeks in an ICU (she nearly died). Next thing I know, WW is dating/living with her boss, who is 27 years older. This went on/off for nearly 2 years, and contact was not competely broken until 8 months ago. Yes, I know I was the doormat and did many things wrong -- basically enabled the inappropriate behavior. WW never expresssed remorse for what happened to daughter nor for this first affair. She had all the benefits of the marriage? and none of the responsibilty.

Fast forward to summer 2008. WW has been a heavy beer drinker for years. On a normal work night, WW put away 6 to 9 beers, and on a weekend all bets were/are off. In my opinion, she is an alcoholic. Her spending, which has always been an issue, went out of control. She ran up $25,000 on credit cards for motorcycles and impulse items. Of course, this was hidden from me. I live in a community property state, so guess who owns half that debt? Anyway, in late summer, her comings and goings became more erratic and unpredictable -- out on a Friday night with a female cousin to bars and returning dead drunk at 2 or 3 in the morning. She also began to wear teenage type clothing -- imagine a 5'3", 165 pound, 51 year old woman waltzing out the door in jeans way too tight, wearing a shirt where her breasts nearly flop out. She is proud of those 38DDs, but forgets the waist is also big.

By Oct, she was spending weekends at the bar and sleeping it off during the day. On 4 Oct, one of my daughters clued me in that there was OM. The next weekend, WW's ring came off because it "itched." I also got "the SPEECH" that weekend. It was a slight variation of the classic, but was basically, "I've (WW) been lonely and miserable for 10 years. We are incompatible. I am not going to live like this for the next 10. You (me) deserve someone who will make you happy." I put up with HER running for 3 weeks -- I was nicer than hell, and then retained an attorney and had her served on 23 Oct 08. She has moved into a rented place with OM and one of my daughters. Contact with her has been limited to a couple phone calls where I was told, "she could never trust me again for what I've done to her." I told her family, my children, and my family what she was doing. At this point, I am 4 months in (including Oct) and all indications are life is grand for her -- with plans to purchase the rental (huge mortgage). Oh, I almost forgot, OM owns a bar -- perfect for an alcoholic. Other than that, loser with tax problems, no assets, lived with his mom. You get the idea. So, do WWs come out of this emotional fog? I've heard around the 6 month point or so. In the meantime, the lawyers keep me busy and SHE is unhappy that I will not agree to all her settlement conditions. I received an email from HER telling me to act like an adult -- not sure what prompted that, but I did not take the bait. I did not respond. Looking for any and all inputs.