Did she cheat or just dirty text messages?

[25yearsmlc]

Forgiveness ain't easy. Sometime, please read my little story about it that I posted under somewhere....maybe under the infidelity section as it seemed best over there.
It was something I heard long ago that made an impact on me, obviously.
BUT anyhow...
Have you read "Five Love Languages" by Chapman? It's a great book-must read for all m's couples. Not just folks here. It will help you to reach her, hopefully, and in her "love language". Sometimes we give our love as best we can, but if it's not in their 'language' they don't get it, let alone feel it.

And as some time passes, she'll feel some bond being re-built, as would fun moments. Relaxing times, without some big deal event of romance (later for that perhaps). For now, Rent some comedies and heart warming movies without the expectation that one movie will change it all.

Right now you want to simply add a page to the "book of your lives", one page at a time. Eventually, the pages add up to a chapter, and then a book. The more things you do that help form those bonding pages, the better.

Also, no mother, no woman, is unmoved by the loving interaction of her children with their father; it's a truly emotional turn on. Once, in the midst of my anger at h, he was reading to the kids. They asked him some arcane question about trees and chlorophyl (sp??) and he bagan to answer them, in detail, interestingly. H is a smart guy and I recall saying to myself "Oh yeah, this is one reason I m h, he's able to answer these questions and to pass on smart genes to the kids. He was really into it and loved teaching them, I loved watching (and learning about photosythesis!??) their faces...it builds.

What can I say? It builds. Pretty soon you have something solid enough to build on. Like friendship, mutual interests (the welfare of the children and make sure you radiate the love you have for them as much as possible now) and your history together.

Also, Marianne Williamson is an author who writes a lot about our relationships with the "Holy Spirit" (she's interdenominational) and she's a bit 'new agey' for a lot of people. [iB]UT her books on losing anger and how to forgive[/i] were really helpful to me. She has some exercises on forgiveness and turning our pain over to Him, b/c it's too much for us. I understand that. Seriously, you have to let the anger/pain go or you'll be consumed by it, and the m will end anyhow, and the kids will suffer and you'll all lose. I know this b/c I almost couldn't do it. Couldn't sleep, couldn't even concentrate to help d11 with homework so in a way, she was losing both parents, if you know what I mean.

Instead focus on the future you would like to create with your wife and showing her the man she fell in love with, but NOW, that man with the added qualities of unconditional love, who was willing to drop his ego to save his m, who has weathered a real storm, and maybe someday you could even renew your vows with the kids witnessing this marital miracle. Modelling what unconditional love really is, what a healthy boundary is and the importance of setting them. Imagine the legacy you'll be leaving them. The image of a couple who has faced adversity (yeah, we don't mean the papparzzi following you for a week and taking photos of you without make up...we mean real problems that life throws at you....oh did I tell you I sometimes have celebrity clients who are so high maintenance and have given "their ALL to their R's"....like all five weeks...) so it's great to see a real couple with real problems who do real work on a M, and win back the love they had for each other, that had been there all along, hidden under piles of pain and scorecards of grievances and the desire to "punish" the other. I see great hope in your sitch. But
I digress.
Good luck,
j-