if u are already in recovery and the a was well over a year ago, the ow lives in another state and u dont think your h is in contact with her, i really feel u should not contact her. for what if u know it is over and in the past?
believe me, i know how u feel, when i got my hands on the ow number, i couldnt control myself, however, at that time, my h was still seeing her and lying to her and me.
i have had plenty of contact with the ow in my situation, and to be honest, i wish i never did. she has called me, texted me. the first time i spoke to her, i got out everything i needed to say. but she didnt listen. she doesnt care about his wife, his family. she spoke so nasty to me and told me terrible lies to make me leave, i could have had her brought up on charges. i have now blocked her from having access to calling me.
hold the number. hold your information. if there is ever a time to use it, u will be sure and u will be glad u saved your one phone call.
but please understand, i know u want to know things. but having been in the position also of wanting to know, i have truly decided that some things are better left to your imagination, to the unknown and in the past.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
So what did I do? I called called the OM and asked him to hand the phone to her. "Who is this" he asked. "Her husband" I answered. LONG pause. "I don't think I want to..." and he hung up.
O. M. G.
!!!!
Grrr to leaving your son with a stranger!!! Glad you took action and called her on it!
Thanks for all your feedback. I will keep the info, but not do anything with it unless it's needed. Quite honestly, I don't htink it will be.
I also am so grateful that my experience has been "positive" compared to some of you out there. I'm flabbergasted at the things some have to deal with...like above. My husband has been great through all of this...although it would have been greater if he figured it out BEFORE he had the affair!
Just checking in to see how you are doing!! glad you are keeping the info for you only right now!!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
I'm doing OK right now. Thanks for asking. We went out last night to an awards banquet where he had to attend as part of his job. It was a lovely evening, however, I found myself having to stop a lot of thoughts. For instance, he has always complained when I have on lipstick when he wants to kiss me. He calls it "lipcrap." He did it again last night. Only this time, I had to fight off the urge to say, "Did you call it 'lipcrap' on OW?" I know she must have worn it all the time as she is quite the high society girl. Then later, he said "Thank you for coming with me tonight. I had a nice time with you." My mind went to the bad thought place, but I held my tongue. It hasn't been even 2 months since I learned of the A yet, so I think these stupid thoughts are probably quite normal. I'm looking forward to the day when I can get past them. My thoughts are SO much better than they were even a month ago, so I think that is a good sign. I hope I'm not rushing it. He has been so supportive. And he really is doinjg all the right things. He has never blamed me for the A. He ended it and never contacted her again. He is completely transparent now. The list goes on and on. Michele would be proud of him. :-) However, the hang ups are all me now. I know that is to be expected as it is all new to me still. We've been making love quite often - although I must admit that it is hard sometimes because I am comparing myself to her even though I have no way to make the comparison. I never did and never will ask any of those questions. I know they will do more harm than good. I am just trying to navigate through the murky waters that I thought were so clear.
I just realized our husbands both had the affairs about the same time. Uh=oh. He's home. I'd better run.
From what you have posted your sitch sounds similar to mine.
I contacted OW and regretted it. It made me feel she had won in a way as she knew she had gotten to me. When my M was back on track, it contacting her let her know that I had a problem, as I was obviously obsessing about her if I felt the need to contact her.
I wanted an apology I guess - but that wasn't going to happen. If she had a conscience she wouldn't have entered into an A with a M'd man in the first place.
You will go through times of doubt etc....but it does get better. My H is also 100% transparent and he tries to make sure he keeps me informed of all his movements so I don't panic. Sometimes he forgets but his heart is definitely in the right place.
I am glad it is working out for you.....don't let yout thoughts in your head ruin it - it is so easy to do that.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Heh, heh...my H takes the same stance on "lipcrap".
And those urges to make OW comments? Totally normal...I still get them sometimes in random situations, as well as intimate moments. It's difficult to compete with the things you can imagine about OW and how they were together, the things they did...for some reason, at least for me, I tend to compare the worst parts of myself with the best of others (not that I think OW had anything on me).
You're right--the questions will do more harm than good...even if you hear what you want to hear in response to the question, you'll still second guess it, because it's hard to trust that it's truth.
You are doing so awesome. Just keep taking it a minute at a time. It will get easier.
Thanks so much for your helpful words, everyone. I know what I should be doing, but it's so nice to have a place to go and air what I really want to do because it keeps me from doing the stupid things. I just need to keep focusing on the positive. It's so much easier with your support. THANK YOU!
