The phrase I have begun to hate and I still read it all the time is that the OP is just a bandaid!!! Not true from years of reading. It may not last (often does) but it certainly doesn't mean that the WAW returns, often they just get another OP. I think the type of Affair and length of marriage has a huge bearing.
Sorry for the vent, it's just that once again I see a newcomer(not on this thread btw) clinging to this bandaid cliche. I know we all need hope thats why we are here after all, but I think rather than vilify rightly or wrongly,the OP, more helpful practical advice could be given. Concentrating on how awful the OP is is in my view not helpful to our growth or well being.
Well, I took the bandaid cliche as differently than you. Maybe I read it the wrong way, but I see that as happening in my sitch. Both of us had problems/issues which hurt our M. I was needy, dependent, and depressed. H has anger #s and controlling, self-involved. I have spent the last year, over a year now, working on my stuff. I've become more self-sufficient, independent, and happy.
My H hasn't worked on any of his issues, but got involved in an A with a married woman with kids, i.e. a temporary bandaid to cover up his #s. Eventually though the excitement of a new gf will probably fade, and he's going to still have issues that will cause him problems in the new R or he will have to deal and work on them. So I've always thought that analogy is kind of true in my sitch and maybe some others too. Karen
