The unfaithful wife...that's me..

[25yearsmlc]

Mel,

don't confuse my advice with telling you not to get the "no contact" order. You can get that.All I'm saying is every woman who ranted / vented to a commander about A's or drinking too much of their soldier h's, was sorry later b/c they broke the dinner plate, so to speak. I recall one w was so angry, understandably, that her h had cheated (with a new recruit and the Army DOES care if there are rank disparities in A's) that she ran it up the flag pole 'til a flippin' full bird had it on his desk. H was an officer with one DUI from 5 years earlier. They gave him a general discharge under other than honorable...MEANING, the family and soldier had to get out of the housing within 60 days, find a place to live but without dad's income, so kids are moving and switching schools, say bye bye to health insurance and there's no income either...nice touch. She sure showed him!

Even though he brought it on his family and self, if she had been calmer and filed for D, contrast what she'd have gotten instead of nothing but tossed on the streets-- she'd have gotten support income//retirement forever, could have stayed in the house pending a divorce, each kid and she would also have had health insurance for all, and benefits! All that is gone when he gets discharged and isn't allowed to retire. (Well, Vet loans for houses remain and some others, but nothing compared to retirement benefits and the ones she'd have retained while he was still active. Don't cut off the nose to spite your face and last but not least, it'll look vindictive and the kids will blame you for the consequences of your anger since it'll mean putting the anger ahead of what is best for the kids.

Since OW isn't an OW, what's the problem? Let it sort itself out and don't carp about her. You'll force h to defend her and his choice, instead of realizing the opposite. That R is already running its' course and making snide remarks slows that down. Reassure your son you love him and refer him to his dad. Keep putting those choices/outcomes back to h.

Also, unless there is literally only one JAGC there, you can get a different L in the office or have someone else assigned. An admin law officer I knew actually had done Legal assistance before I came along, so she had way more experience but no one would know that if they just walked in. Don't let your h fool you into not getting one. And by the way, civilian attorneys (and I'm one now) often do not know the military rules and you won't be better served by getting one unless you must. Some of this is fairly cut and dried, assuming he doesn't get out early to punish you...again, remain calm.

Forget your mil's probably well meaning comments. She is a filter thru which he is talking and thru which her own hopes and biases are entered. She is also repeating like a mantra, "you cheated" "he can't trust you" and you can say "then he likes holding onto reasons for anger and I want to move forward in my life"....be done with A talk. happened Long ago, you apologized, you are not defending it (though at some level doesn't anyone just wonder a tad if your h played some tiny little role in it...hmmm? hhhhmmmm?? what's that? No? Oh, of course...back to YOU and YOUR faults...)and you are no longer engaged in it and that is that. He's living in the past with his anger AND no one thinks ow isn't an OW...she is. His flaunting their innocent friendship is wildly inappropriatea and again, aimed at inflicting pain. If anyone is a victime TODAY, it's you.

So, see a military L first. If they really cannot see you (and I find that hard to believe, really) then they'll have a list of attorneys there fpr up to see that have at least asked to get referrals. Get one that is a former JAG if you can, but ask around first.

I've seen several civilian attorneys at courtmartial and with ONE exception,they ALL screwed up the case. Each and every time, save one (and he was Charles Gittins, a former JAG, and he was quite good) the civilian L without military experience will somehow blow it in front of a military judge. They just have outdated info or blow it or think they're smarter or whatever. It's an amazing percentage of bad L's to good L's though, when it comes to civilians and the military. I had a partner (JAG) who had gone to Harvard ROTC and we were talking with the civ def counsel who was a moron who thought Article 15's were awards (for those of you who don't know, an Art 15 is not good news, it's BAD news you get in lieu of more punishment like at a courtmartial, so I'm glad I could help.

My first murder case (I was on the defense and no, I didn't ask for that...) and a civilian attorney was hired to be "lead counsel" and I was there "to HELP him if he needed something..." anyhow, he lost the case badly and the def got the death penalty. I raised an issue on appeal that the civilian did not raise; he raised a different one. The appeals court reversed based on my argument alone. Then the egomaniac L got in front of the Supreme court steps on TV and railed against our system, with killer's mom (I mean ACCUSED killer's mom) standing there praising the civilian L ..and yes he took credit for everything. As my colleague pointed out, "at least the family had to mortgage their house to pay civilian lawyer..." and that comforted me...Oh sidenote, when asked about the "possibility her son murdered innocent man", she replied "even if he did do it, is that so wrong in the context of our times?" That was in the paper and I cut it out. that quote....somehow I find it all a slippery slope about what is okay to do these days. Like we are more barbaric now and should be cut some slack...hmmm, gee I thought the middle ages were something to move forward from...

I digress. You have much to consider. thanks for the links though I think I got out too long ago. I do wonder about getting a credential in another state and waiving in, which I think you suggested? Anyhow, FIB and frankd and brandnewday have my numbers, or used to. My hard drive died 10 months ago so older numbers are also gone.

Talk to you soon, get the L and ask if the no contact order would matter to the command. I doubt it, but it's been awhile for me.
I think your limbo is ending soon though. Thank God. I pray for the confusion that comes with wondering what to do when your h wakes up. OR, that the confusion will end for you and you'll find peace within, and eventually a good man to share it with. Remember the "honor the father of your children wording" you can repeat to him. Stay on message like a candidate for mayor, okay? No sucking into the wind, you want to talk with a witness (c) so you are sure you'll understand him, and be understood and not later misunderstood (read-misquoted) .

I'm tired and babbling. Hope this helps. Oh and Get me a job...
(( j ))