Al, it is true that I felt I was responsible for most of the things around the house but at least for some time I was feeling loved. When I stopped feeling loved I started complaining and moaning and whining and putting him down. That's when I tried to force him to step up. As a result, he quit.
My C told me that when I start judging myself I should say "no courts working today" and drop it immediately. So, I am not going to judge my lack of insight as to what it was I was doing to him...
She asked me three things I found interesting :what did I get from my mom as a child, from my dad, what was their R like.
My asnwers :love and rejection (never good enough, HAD to try harder, love and protection from my dad and a balanced R between them with my mom controlling but my dad always being the calm quiet peaceful power in our home). She said I am looking for a lover that will love and reject me in some way but hoping I would feel the unconditional love my dad gave me. And I 'll do my best to have a relationship similar to what they had/have. It's funny how I always admired/valued so much my parents for having dreams and making them true, together..., for they have accomplished together.
So, rejection is important to me.Probably that's why I like the 2x4s I get here occasionaly, LOL!
I dont know how to only think of me. Not think about my kids or my parents, etc. Sadly so, I realise this is one issue I care about how I look. I dont want to be a quiter. But I feel I have the "OK" to be selfish, I am allowed now. He is supposed to do the same. We dont know where this will lead us, but the T said it will be healthy. I almost want these 8 weeks over so that I can start my life again. I know the 8 weeks period may not bring the changes I am looking forward to, But I am telling you, I will be as good as new by then. I am not giving up on my dream to be loved and cherished and have fun while I am alive... I am not. K
