A Cry for Help & Don't know where to go

[SRTTF]

New thread. I wanted to share parts of the letter that my H gave me last May. He had decided to try AA since he had realized his drinking was getting bad. Here are a few points from the letter.....


1) You have always been supportive of me and you deserve a lot more credit than what I give you. When I am lazy you take care of the laundry, bills, kitchen and the messes without complaining. Especially when I have been home all day.

2) You manage the bills the best you can. I thought I could do it better, I tried and I can't.

3) You and D13 tolerate everything that I do. My drinking, griping, laziness, being gone all the time due to work ect....

4) My drinking - for whatever reason I come up with: stress, bored whatever - has caused issues, namely pushing you both away, lack of trust and not wanting conflict. I am so sorry for this and you have been dealing with it but still loves me.

5) I don't know why or what is making me like that but I will commit to changing it. I see how it has negatively immpacted not only our relationship, but the family as a whole.

6) The end result due to alcohol and selfishness I have lost sight of what is important. I have taken too many things for granted. There are far too many things that we could worry about other than has daddy been drinking.

7) I am happy and thankful to have you for my wife. I really do love you and am fortunate to have you for my wife. I feel I have taken unfair advantage of you and your true love for me. I really feel bad for not being the kind of daddy that D13 deserves.

8) I have decided to make the commitment. I know that it will be a hard, long tough road. But it is comforting to know you both love me enough to help me through it. I know you will support me and help me in whatever way I need it, and I know you will help me if I slip and fall.

****I can only hope and pray that you continue to be by my side. With the help of God, my family and friends I know that I can do this. ******

He went to 3 AA meetings, couldn't find anyone to connect to and starting drinking even more. He quit for 3 days or so. But this time he is hiding the whisky bottles all over and I was hearing that he was being watched at work and the fire dept. In July, it was so bad that is when I approched him about the drinking. He said that was the moment he "checked out" of the relationship. Since that time and before the bomb I was really trying to be supportive and watching what I was doing. Once my brother talked to me about some of the issues H had talked to him about I changed things ASAP. As my H says, it was too late.

The letter and cards always would say how lucky he is that I am his wife and that he is so thankful and that we would be together forever. That is the man I believe is truely my H.

This is why I am SO VERY CONFUSED. How can this loving and caring man all of a sudden be telling me that he wants nothing to do with me and wants a D, not to mention that he has OW, moving in with her and too bad for you. No help with money, no contact with his girls by any means.

My friends and family that know him can't believe it either. I truely believe that he loves us deep down but doesn't want to feel that and that is why he hasn't contacted us in any way.

PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS BEHAVIOR. IT IS MAKING ME CRAZY!!!