I am on this site off and on, and would appreciate any insight.
My sitch:
March 2009 will be 4 years separated; married for 18 years total. H is 48 and I just turned 46. We have a D16 and S13. OW is 19 years younger than H. They work together. What a shock! H's A started a few months before he moved out. I think he spends his time during the work-week at her apt. (she lives near his work, about 45 miles away), and he has an apt. near us. I think part of why this has gone on so long is because "she" has never met our kids, and they seem to have a part-time relationship.
He pays child support, which has never been increased in almost 4 years. I am at the point where I need more money. I'm sure he has received at least one raise since he left, despite his denial of this. I have tried to talk to him a few times over the last few weeks about our financial situation, but he never comments.
If I set a court hearing to modify the support, will that piss him off, and possible drive him to file for D? He filed for a S when he first left, not a D.
On the other hand, maybe he needs to feel more financial consequences, to help him face reality? I'm torn because I don't want to make him mad; I feel like I'm enabling him; I'm not sure I should force him to have financial consequences, yet I'm making it too easy on him.
Please help. I know my first priority should be to take care of the kids and myself...
Sure it will make him mad BUT his first obligation is to his family. If he can rent apartments, pay for his fun, etc., then he can also afford to pay child support.
On the other hand, this will be determined by the courts, not us.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Financially you have to protect yourself and the children.
Who cares if he gets mad.
That is life.
A consequence of having a concubine.
He could possibly want some type of revenge and file for D.
At least you are aware of this and could emotionally prepare yourself.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I also feel we need to take care of ourselves They get mad and over it the next day or so THe D will only cost him more I believe these guys dont really want D they just want to stay in limbo, have their secret life and have us waiting forever. I needed to stir things up in my situation..I told H to file..he did..I just legally got my half of our business back as H almost ruined it..I finally "woke" up out of the fog
Just do whats right for you peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
