I'm right there with ya bro. From what I've come to understand it takes time AND you have to start changing yourself. She will see that and start to feel safe again. You sound like your sitch is a bit different, she loves you and wants to move past things. Maybe you should listen.
You definitely need to have transparency between you two.
That will help clean the slate. Get some counseling to help you deal with your stuff. Telephone coach if you can. It all helps I can tell you.
Just so you know my day is just like yours. Had and EA messed up and treated her horrible after we agreed to work on the marriage. She finally reached the end of her rope and eventually had her own EA. Confronted her last night, we talked, she went to GF house and hasn't come home...Sooo I feel ya.
Jeff
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
