Cool timing .. "Our first session is on Sunday. This T knows his schedule and suggested Sat/Sun mornings. I went ahead and scheduled this Sun" - Sunday is the eclipse conjunct Jupiter!..endings and new beginnings from whatever occurred around the time of the last eclipse in August. Sorry, being nerdy as usual !
I like your approach though and I too feel like I can the home stretch now, either way. xxxx
"I've been loosing lots of keys lately, I don't know what that means but I think I am better off with tings that cant be locked away..."
Just some lyrics I like. H had a big day at work today. So he had to work. He called when finished but didn't mention anything about coming over or anything similar. I don't mind. I hope we make it tomorrow because my mom said she cant babysit and I will have to find a solution for the kids... Other than that, I am OK. xxx K
K, I see less of all these: whining, bitching, moaning, stubborness, finger-pointing, analyzing, and complaining. In short, less WAW, more sweet Maria!
I'm no astro-nerd but I think Saturn is finally lining up with Uranus to push you to do more positive work. The next time this happens maybe in a 100 years - I'm sure Ali knows the exact time ;-)
Keep that positive momentum going and don't read the WAW threads for a while!
fb2, I hope that is good and not me going back to my prebomb state of mind where at the end, I did not complain or moan cause it felt like I was talking to a wall.I was just going my own way an doing my own thing, had given up on trying to get through to him...
I know you men hate whining, but, there is always a reason for us to do so. And it usually takes very little effort from our men to stop us, alas, not very men realise that.
Tomorrow is the first MC session, my T said, whatever bad feelings you will both have, need to be address here in this office and during the week you should only work on positives. I take it she knows more about this chit that I do, so, i will listen to her... K
<< I know you men hate whining, but, there is always a reason for us to do so. And it usually takes very little effort from our men to stop us, alas, not very men realise that.
K, Very true, so the smart thing then is communicating that "little bit" in a clear, respectful way so your man will listen and get it. I think your T's advice in that last paragraph is very smart. I can feel your positive energy flowing.
Sorry you were home alone last night, but how was your MC session ??? I hope it was productive....
Oh and FB..Saturn is currently going backwards, retracing, reviewing etc and doesnt go forwards again proper until June.. so we may not know how things turn out until summer..
We had a 3 hours session today. A lot was said. Mostly it was from the 2 counselors since we didn't have to go back and explain the situation. We started from today to the future. We had some really awkward moments, mostly me, like when they asked why we want to get back together. H said because he loves me and missed me. I couldnt give an answer since the kids wasnt accepted as one. I did say I feel there is a bond between us and I am hoping it could become something more.
Also when they asked to list positives we see/feel about our S, H said for me that he feels : stability, protected, secure with me. I couldnt say a thing. When they saw me struggling and asked why, I explained that the qualities I was fond of that I saw in H now seem a lie, such as honesty, stability, patience, respect to other people, avoiding to hurt them. I explained that I feel him leaving, showed me otherwise. H was very sad and about to cry and I almost backed off and lied. But I didnt. My C didnt give me an option. She said its natural to feel this way because there is no trust.
Some things were interesting. Like H saying he felt I was trying to "force him" to do things and then saying he didn't mind at all me deciding about others. Both Cs told him that he has been choosing to have the role of the man depending on his convenience and his comfort zone. That he was blaming me for assuming that was what he wanted while he wasn't clear with me about what he really wanted.
They told me I am too strict with myself and as a consequence with others too. I should stop putting myself on trial. They actually said, Maria was taking on all the roles in the family/R and she was overwhelmed by it but she couldn't accept she couldn't do it all.
They insisted that what we both need to do now is find out what we want for our lives and become "it' and then see if we are what we want as partners for each other.
They told me to quit on the R and concentrate on me alone (both of us). Dream, become what will make me happy and see if H fits in the picture. They said we need to forget the past and abandon preconceived ideas about each other. THey urged me to stop thinking about hurting him and do things that I believe would help the R. Just do the things that I as Maria enjoy. Which I have to confess, feels strange. All i have been doing lately were little things that I thought would help us move forward and I was getting frustrated as we didn't. Now I need to get it in my head that I shouldn't do ANYTHING for the R at this stage.
They made a big deal about H being "stagnant' and me being a perfectionist. They said he needs to act more and I need to relax more.
They gave us a few exercises and our next apt will be scheduled by...H as an exercise for him to take initiatives...
Their approach is a very "selfish one". Very similar to what we say here about making our selves happy and to what Passionate Marriage says about differentiation and fusion. I could follow the discussion easier than H but he did seem to grasp it because his natural tendency is towards differentiation while mine has been "living thru the R". He actually said he has felt my need to be "one" and although he liked it, he couldn't take the responsibility.
Responsibilities as a word came up a lot because he did say more than once that he left because he felt he couldn't stand the responsibilities of the family(!!!!). xxx K
Wow a three hour session! As hard as it was I also bet it was good to have that much time instead of just starting to talk and the hour being over which always happened to us...
So, sounds like focus on what makes Maria feel content, eh? Can I bring you a caramel frappucino?
