My worst fears confirmed! Wife having EA/PA...

[Vdad]

Puppy,

I agree totally.. This situation can't continue like this These are her choices, her decisions.

There is NO WAY I can continue giving the M a chance to heal with her in contact with OM. Which happened last night again. I blocked his number on our account and changed all settings so she has no access to the account. Maybe not the best idea but until she comes to the table on this, no way I am paying for the destruction of our marriage.

She repeatedly says she needs a separation to figure things out. Maybe she is truthful about that or maybe she just wants to pursue other M. I can't possibly know because I don't think she can know right now.

I do need to call her bluff on the OM and force her to a decision. She is making her life a mess and dragging me and the kids down with her. No doubt her response will center around my initial actions which of course were unfathomable, but i have owned my part. She needs to own hers and if she feels she wants the OM then I can't control that and she will have to live with her decision.

I need to completely detach from her and it's virtually impossible living in the same house and raising four kids. She's not working, not trying very hard to change that, so she compounds the problem of no structure.

She is quickly becoming a cake eater from the standpoint of the convenience of living in a shared home.

Again she is an amazing woman, but the fog is so set in she can't make a real decision at all right now. So I am going to have to set some firm boundaries.

Transparency...Like you said I doubt she will buy off on that because it will seem like control which is like death to her now. But she has to make a choice. I refuse to be a doormat while she "explores" this thing with OM.

I need to come up with a plan I think and call her bluff.

*Interesting side note: Before she left last night I told her I wanted to tell the kids what the situation is. It can't be "covered up" anymore. She immediately became hesitant and wanted to "think it over". I said fine think about it over night and we will talk about it tomorrow.

This is my initial ideas at this point. I plan on going really dark after a decision is made. I mean really dark. I know I am frustrated and every other emotion imaginable but this has to go one way or the other. I need to recover from this limbo state that can't progress with OM.

I love her with all my heart, but as a Christian man, I cannot just accept this state. It is wrong. As wrong as my EA.

She has to figure it out and can't the way things are...

By the way having her see the new me doesn't seem to do squat when she can't even figure out who she is...

Thoughts? Sorry for the long post...